For Latter-day Saint women in 1987, expectations outlined by the prophet were explicit: “Mothers in Zion,” he said, “Your God-given roles are so vital to your own exaltation and to the salvation and exaltation of your family.” In episode 155, Susan and Cynthia are joined by Susie Augenstein to break down the messaging mothers received then and have raised children in the shadows of since. It’s no wonder shifts in faith cause strain within families. This conversation is aimed at helping children of women who took President Benson’s words to heart understand why their mothers may sometimes fall into the trap of thinking they’re completely in charge of getting the whole family into heaven.
Notes & Quotes:
You can find Susie Augenstein on Facebook here and on Instagram here
To the Mothers in Zion, by Ezra Taft Bension, 2/22/1987
ALSSI Episode 29, Ask Me Again Tomorrow
The lasting impact of Benson’s “To the Mothers in Zion” with Valerie Hamaker from Latter Day Struggles, Ask Dr. Julie Hanks Podcast, 8/22/2023
Loving the Whole Self, Center for Action and Contemplation, 4/25/2016
“We only have the courage to face our deep illusions when we are entirely loved and accepted by God or by somebody who acts as God toward us. So, with great irony, our faults are the crack that lets grace in, exactly as the Gospel teaches. We must bring our root sin to consciousness rather than deny or repress it. We can only heal our wound with kindness and compassion, not judgment and condemnation.” —Richard Rohr
Marie
Part of the problem is that the church thinks they can slap a disclaimer on old teachings like that and say “all better!” Recently, the church started putting disclaimers on old ensign articles. They go like this:
“Editors’ note (updated 2023): Articles in the magazines archive may reflect practices and language of an earlier time. More current messages on the roles of fathers and mothers include “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” and “Marriage” in Topics and Questions.”
Hopefully links are allowed here for source citations: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1972/02/maintain-your-place-as-a-woman
A sample of what the article contains: “It was someone with deep understanding of married life who said that the good wife commandeth her husband in any equal matter by constantly obeying him.”
The article was authored by Harold B. Lee, a current member of the 1st presidency at the time who would go on to be the president of the church. These teachings caused a lot of pain for thousands of women for whom these were NOT the “practices and language of an earlier time,” but current direction from a member of the presiding 1st presidency, speaking as a prophet, seer, and revelator in an official church publication!
It rubs salt in the wounds that the church would be so cowardly as to ignore the suffering these teachings caused, and continue to cause. If something wrong or misleading was printed, surely the principles of repentance would require acknowledging wrongdoing, apologizing, and trying to repair the damage. Not slapping a disclaimer on it 40 years too late.
My question for the church would be: How long until what the 1st presidency is saying and printing today gets relegated to “the practices and language of an earlier time?”
Mel
I bought up recently with my Bishop how the church has created surrogate parents for my children since being in youth and into YSA, and they would tell them ‘if you have a question go to your Bishop or Youth and YSA leaders’, I felt my husband and I had been replaced, nowhere do they encourage you to go to your parents, don’t they trust the parents? My son was being encouraged to go on a mission by this missionary couple assigned to the YSA as my son was developing a relationship with this girl, I even had to tell the Bishop to stop calling me and interviewing my son about a mission, he will come to you if he decides he wants to go. My Bishop said I was in a unique position as I had my sons still living and studying in the ward boundaries. My son did not go on a mission (we knew it wasn’t for him but let him make his own choice), he did marry the girl, and in the temple, now he’s going to be a dad. I still get people coming up to me about him not serving a mission.
Finally my other son at 23 years old actually felt he could come to me and ask a personal question, he had been speaking to another YSA assigned couple for a few years and they would tell me about it, and say what he was doing which we knew nothing about, but no one directed him to talk over it with his parents, it made me resentful of the other couple, as he expressed how wonderful they were.
Shannon Starks
Another much-needed conversation that reflects what so many of us have been through or are going through. I remember the first time I dared to say in Relief Society meeting that I did not want to think of my children in terms of “if only they would” but instead about what amazing, wonderful people they are. This shift has been much easier on me and has helped us build better relationships. It feels like what Jesus would want me to do.
Sam and Maggie Harper
I came home from errands one day to find that my 18 year old daughter had packed her things and moved away while I was gone. She moved in with her boyfriend, and never went to church again after her move. She didn’t give me any information about where she was moving or how I could contact her. She did say she loved me and her Dad, but she had to leave. I got two messages from God about her departure. The first was that I should stop worrying about her eternal salvation. That wasn’t my business anymore, that was between her and God. Instead I should focus on building my relationship with her. The second bit of inspiration was that I needed to hide to file folder that had all of our social security cards, because she was going to be looking for a job, and if she could come home and find her social security card in the file, who knows how long she would go without contacting me, but if she couldn’t find the file, she would call me and ask about it. I hid the file and a few days later she called to ask about her SS card. Because she was nervous about seeing me (I’m sure she was convinced I would yell at her, she hated being in trouble) I arranged to meet her in a public place to give her the card. Then I accepted that she was an adult and I couldn’t make her choices for her, and I needed to build a strong relationship that didn’t include me telling her how to live her life.