In this bonus recut, Cynthia and Susan revisit a Season 1 conversation about the challenge of building bridges for the young women of today to cross into adult lives of personal and spiritual fulfillment as Latter-day Saints. Will they be willing to seek a faith home within the same patriarchal church structure their mothers and grandmothers have inhabited? For now, the bridges these two mothers have built don’t seem to lead to a place their daughters want to go.
Notes:
Young Women in the Work, by Bonnie Oscarson, April 2018
Planted: Belief and Belonging in an Age of Doubt, by Patrick Mason
An Interview with Chieko N. Okazaki, by Greg Prince
Lyric Kinard
I’m kind of breathing like I’ve just had a punch in the gut. To hear someone else articulate EXACTLY my experience in the church is a new experience. To be validated leaves me breathless.
Exactly – Women have no authoritative voice in the structure fo this church. No voice that cannot be overturned. We have no visible path to discipleship and service. An 11 year old child has more “authority” to serve than an experienced and spiritually mature woman.
Exactly – It’s not about wanting power. It’s about needing representation and a voice. The gospel is fully open to women but the structure of the church has left out the voice and experience of more than half it’s population. We are told in recent talks that our voices are needed but there is NO way for our voice to be heard where decisions are made and women who have tried have been publicly admonished.
Exactly – Our daughters are not willing to put up with it. Mine have left as soon as they were adults and had time to really see and think about how the church structure, especially the temple, tells us women are less valued than men.
Exactly – I am in the process of staying – simply to say these things out loud and validate the struggles of other women, or the queer community, or the marginalized.
Not sure how long they will let me stay with my loud mouth. But I center everything in speaking about Christ’s life. Christ called women by name. They had voices that he listened to. They were listened to and he never tied their worth to their wombs.
I stay because I hope for change and push for change and want to make space for others to stay if they want to – in spite of their questioning.
All this to say – thank you SO MUCH for saying it out loud.
Julene Slora
This is a great episode and an important one for moms with older, single daughters. My 26 yo, who is in Physical Therapy school in Boston sent me a clip of Pres Nelson during the Sunday Morning General Conference. In it he said “If it were possible to speak one on one with every young adult, I would plead with you to see a companion with whom you can be sealed in the temple. You may wonder what difference this will make in your life. I promise it will make all the difference! As you marry in the temple and return repeatedly you will be strengthened. and guided in your decisions.” My daughter and three of her YSA women all had different interpretations. But were like, helllooooo! She even said it’s hard when the YSA haven’t been updated in years (just like you said, Susan) and they present 1/3 of the church and the ratio is 1:3 male to female. She went on to say what about LGBTQ people who want to be sealed and can’t. Then she said sealing is more than marriage. It’s family. “I’m sealed to my family. So stop trying to put sealing in the box of marriage. I’m sealed to a lot of people and none of them are a spouse. Sealing is family. You seal an adopted baby to you. You seal dead families together. That’s where the method will change and not the doctrine. When LGBTQ people can be sealed, nothing will change but the box they put it in.” She was on a roll. I can’t blame her or her friends. They were really frustrated. There is no place for them. It seemed to me Pres Nelson was saying just find anyone you can be sealed to. What difference does it make if you are attracted or compatible with them. And the temple? It doesn’t interest them.
I appreciate all you do Susan and Cynthia. Thank you for being a voice for so many.
Susan Hinckley
I remember having many of these same thoughts during this talk in GC. I couldn’t help feeling that the way he talked about sealing was overly simplistic, overly optimistic, and completely dismissive of the realities of being a single woman in the Church. I wish we’d completely change the way we approach sealing in our messaging. Your daughter is exactly right — it’s more than marriage. It’s family! God’s family, to be more precise. Sealing simply is not a guarantee of any specific outcome in this life.