Say More: At Last She Writes It

No. 38 | May 2025

Let’s talk about The Male Gaze

To close out Season 9 of the podcast, Susan and Cynthia released an episode titled, “The Women Are Not Okay: A Conversation About The Male Gaze.” The episode discussed the idea that every bit of doctrine, all our scriptures, local leadership, “ideal” womanhood, etc. is entirely given through a male’s perspective. The episode resonated with so many women, when it came time for our Friday Chat on Substack there were many wonderful responses. We were blown away at what you all had to say and decided that we needed a Say More issue dedicated to our conversation around this topic.

About our looks…

I feel this especially with how my dad perceives me. He learned in a parenting class in the 90’s that it’s important for dads to give compliments to daughters for their self esteem. Ever since he really tries, but the compliments are definitely based on how he sees me. It makes me feel oftentimes that he doesn’t know me, just an idea of me. The compliments often center on my service to others, what I do for him, my mom, and my husband and kids. I feel like very generic and like I’m a role to him. Which is sad because we actually have a lot of interests and talents in common.

—Mckinsey

I always think of modesty culture when I think of the male gaze in the LDS context. We’re always told that we’re making it hard for men to have clean thoughts or whatever because of the way we’re dressed. Forget that Jesus told them to pluck out their eyes rather than lust after a woman. It’s just gross.

—Kaitlyn

It reminds me of something I have said to my husband 1000x over. “There are infinite ways to be an ideal Mormon man. As long as you can pay the bills, you’re fulfilling your ‘Family Proclamation Duty.’ There’s one way to be an ideal Mormon woman: be a stay at home mother.”

In society, we tend to think of some groups as the default and others as the “other.” You see this very obviously with race, but it can also apply to thinness, sexuality, socioeconomic status, and more. In the Church, because everything is written and seen and informed by the male gaze, men are the default, and women are the “other.” So, of course they see women as having only one role. It’s the role they don’t want to/can’t fill. It completely objectifies women, because they are just there to do what the men don’t want to do, but for some reason they say God made it that way.

—Malinda