I went to the temple every week the summer after I graduated high school. It was actually a pretty positive spiritual experience…until my peers were starting work at the temple and were assigned to be in the font.
I can’t describe the full body embarrassment of these string bean boys trying to fully immerse this softball skinny body, lol. Ten years later, it’s funny now, but I can’t help but feel a little cynical about it.
It’s rarely considered that the act of baptism is a very physically vulnerable position for both participants. I think it’s largely bc temple baptisms are “for the kids”, and a team of dads aren’t going to have a hard time baptizing a bunch of 14 year olds.
I have no desire to get endowed. So if I want to experience the peace that I felt doing temple baptisms I have to (1) find a man-or a boy over 16yo, 🙄 (2) that has an active recommend, (3) who I trust, (4) and has the time to go with me.
It doesn’t feel like there’s any room for adult women in the temple unless they’re endowed. It feels like I’m being cowed into “taking the next step of faith”, not bc I believe in it or bc it’s right for me, but bc this is the only convenient way to worship in the temple.
Always here for an Amy Poehler mantra. I have been noticing more and more how feelings like yours resonate with others and if I were to conduct a survey, it seems likely the statistic would be substantial. And when I consider that with the fact that we are still so afraid to phrase questions that are more open-ended when it comes to the temple (and other things), I get discouraged.
I had an experience in RS a few weeks ago after the question was posed, "How can going to the temple help you be a disciple of Christ?" I said I try to be a disciple of Christ and sometimes (ok most times) the temple isn't how I do it. I shared that I have had really positive experiences in the temple and some negative. I gave examples of how it's been difficult, like feeling panicky and claustrophobic and how once, as a worker, I got screamed at for several minutes by a fellow higher-up worker in the bride's room, el oh el. It was very traumatizing but I think of that every time someone promises how wonderful the temple will always be each and every time. I have accepted that life is complicated and the temple can be too. Why wouldn't it be, for heaven's sake.
My phone blew up after that with people appreciating my admitting that it isn't all spiritual fireworks all the time at the temple. I just wish we could learn to ask questions with the understanding and allowance that not all experiences are the same. And to stop. making. promises. on how others will experience a thing. I mean really, how hard is it, instead of "You WILL," to say "You MAY have some profound spiritual experiences in the temple..." the end. :)
You really are a lovely person, inside and outside. I’m sorry you felt shame. That does not speak well for the church and its proclivity for exact obedience. You are right that if we think differently it’s unwelcome. I feel that keenly in my ward & stake. Hugs to you.
I chose not to renew my temple recommend as soon as I started college and wasn't being pressured to go by the Young Women's program. I always felt the Spirit incredibly strongly in the temple, far stronger than I've felt it anywhere else. But unfortunately, I've never once felt worthy to go inside, even when I was a cute little 12-year-old. I was too ashamed to talk to anyone about feeling unworthy, and too scared to say no, so I would dread temple visits for weeks beforehand and hope that I would get violently ill so I wouldn't have to go. I'm not going back to the temple in the foreseeable future. Part of it is me not believing much in the Church anymore (recognizing the sexism, plus feeling guilty all the time when I was active), and part of it is me realizing that if I did believe, I would never feel good enough. When I lost the majority of my faith, I lost the guilt and shame that went with it, because I realized that the Church was flawed and so I didn't have to be perfect or do everything they said. This was a major improvement to my life, but I wish faith and guilt weren't a package deal. I'm doing well, I'm happier and less guilty than I was when I was active, and I think losing my faith was definitely the right path for me at this point in my life. However, I think that the temple could have been something beautiful in my life, if things had turned out differently and I hadn't been taught to feel all that guilt, and it's a shame that it wasn't.
Thank you for being sharing your vulnerability around this topic.
I too was feeling quite similarly filled with shame Saturday evening and couldn’t place my finger on why. I immersed myself in the words of Rohr and Nouwen, but your words were what I needed most.
Warning: this is long. I didn’t think it would be, but it just all poured out.
My whole life, I loved going to the temple. After I went through as a single adult BYU student in 1982, it was one of my favorite places to go to do work for the dead, get inspiration for life questions, and to just feel the peace and calm that my life usually did not hold. I have had several very spiritual experiences in the temple that I cherish.
As I raised a family and after my divorce, I recognized the problems and issues other members have with the temple. I try to always validate others’ experiences. I try to make comments in lessons that acknowledge the difficulties some members have with temple attendance.
Then came the day after my queer child came home from their mission and spent 3 years trying to stay in the church. I decided I couldn’t/wouldn’t go back until all worthy church members were allowed to be sealed in the temple to the spouse of their choosing. I am still of that same mind even though my child resigned their membership.
I haven’t brought it up to anyone in my ward except super close friends and just let opportunities to renew my recommend or go on ward temple trips pass without comment.
But two weeks ago, after choir practice before Sacrament Meeting (I am the current ward chorister), two men were discussing a member who was going through for the first time the next week. One turned to me and asked if I was going.
To my (internal) surprise, I looked straight at him and said “Oh, I don’t go to the temple any more.”
I thought he’d react, but the conversation moved on and nothing more was said.
I’ve been waiting to see if any more shoes will drop because he is a member of the bishopric. But if it does, too bad.
I miss the chance to be in a peaceful, beautiful building where I can be away from the stress from the world and feel close to the spirit world doing work that I still believe is good. I cherish the experiences I’ve had there.
But I feel peace and close to my Heavenly Parents and my family beyond the veil in other locations, so I’m good.
(Besides, I am not paying tithing currently and may not ever again, so it’s a moot point anyway.🤷🏻♀️)
Thank you, Cynthia (and Susan) for giving us a place to discuss complicated topics and to feel community with others.
Like Susan said in our recent temple episode, the temple loses its luster when our kids aren't welcome there. Thanks for sharing these tender thoughts, Greta. Hugs, Cynthia
Shame is such a slippery emotion to identify and to process. Huzzah to you Cynthia for sharing
your wrestle and how you came to resolution. Shame often whispers just loud enough to be heard but just quiet enough to escape detection in our conscious minds. It takes cultivated self-awareness to probe discomfort and unpack its source.
Timely. Thank you. After 5 years w/o a recommend, I went back to support my son preparing for a mission. I was curious and wanted to give the experience the benefit of the doubt - and that maybe I had unknowingly missed it in my life.
I can’t tell you the overwhelming anxiety and regret I felt as I drove to the temple. I didn’t want to go. I felt sad that my son was being “made” to go. I loved the kindness and warmth from the people in the temple - but that left as I went through the session. I was so distressed I just wanted it to end.
As people have talked to me and shared their love for the temple, I have held on to the “good for you, not for me” mantra. I felt some disappointment that I didn’t feel the same way, but it’s okay. I find God and Christ in so many other ways.
" I find God and Christ in so many other ways." This is the thing!! and I don't even think the church would disagree with this statement. Connection to God is the whole reason for our worship and that can (and does) happen loads of places! ~C
A few years ago I was asked to speak in sacrament meeting on the subject of "How the Book of Mormon has developed my faith in Jesus Christ." Even though I enjoy preparing sacrament meeting talks, I tried to decline, saying I didn't think I was the best person for that topic, since I found a lot of the BoM problematic for me. The counselor who had asked me said they really wanted to have a variety of perspectives in sacrament meeting, and that he shared some of his difficulties with the text. So I spoke, and explained how when I needed personal comfort, clarity, or inspiration, I was more likely to turn to sacred music, the book of Psalms, the letters of John, or a quiet walk in a park than to the BoM. I said I didn't dislike the book, and found some things of value in it, but it just doesn't resonate with me that much. (One of the reasons I cited was the fact that women's voices are almost completely absent.) I have never be before had so many people thank me for a sacrament meeting talk, or ask for a copy of it to share with a friend or family member. The experience of that taught me to be more open about how "your mileage may vary" with anything church-related!
Oh my goodness, Cynthia— I couldn’t have said this better myself. I’m always so pleasantly surprised when you and Susan are able to articulate feelings I haven’t quite been able to name or bring to the surface. You give words and meaning to what I’ve only felt. The shame monster is real, and it’s incredibly freeing to hear someone else’s lived experience echo my own. And now I feel a little less alone.
This was a great piece. It’s interesting though, because I must be one of the lucky ones that has never felt shame for not attending regularly. We did get married in the temple but for the next 6 years the closest temple was 1800 miles away, so we never got back to a temple until moving west. With that move we were about 2 1/2 hours from a temple but attending was still a challenge with 2 small children, and then twins added to our family a year later. My husband,
although very believing, never felt the temple a big priority either. His first time going was just before a mission with no preparation, found it odd and came away with a raging headache. So because of our history I’ve never felt shame for not going but totally understand why that’s a thing. I’ve definitely felt the shame of not being enough in the church at times. I’m so much more grounded to have come out to a healthier other side.
Thanks Cynthia and Susan. The podcast this week was awesome. You and your guests give us so much much validation. 🤗
thanks for sharing diana...i wouldn't say I feel shame for not loving the temple, nor shame around not attending. Like you I never felt that kind of shame. I did, however, feel "shame that my obedience never led to a swelling and sprouting...Shame at my failure to get the good fruit from planted seeds." As a compliant rule keeping person, THAT is where my shame creeps in. Like I wrote, I hate admitting this because what 50+ year old woman wants to admit she still wants to be seen as The Good Girl.Not all the time, but some of the time. So hard!!! ~Cynthia
Oh I totally get that! Perhaps a bit like imposter syndrome? I definitely feel it myself because I’m still part of the church community but sometimes wonder how people would feel about me or judge if they knew me fully? Not that I’ve changed in a bad way - but I don’t believe the same anymore. I really relate to an Exponent II piece on Instagram this morning. Wouldn’t it be great to know people in our own congregations that feel the same way? There’s always that pressure to conform to community standards 🥴
Thank you, Cynthia. I’m living in a similar space right now. I keep butting heads with the endless temple stuff because I just don’t believe most of it and I find a lot of it problematic.
My grandmother lived her whole life in the church married to my grandpa who didn’t go or participate. They were not married in the temple. This meant that even though she was very active her whole life and served in any and all callings available to women including RS president, she did not go to the temple until very late in her life bc women weren’t allowed to go without an active believing endowed husband. Back then the temple wasn’t pushed endlessly in every lesson. I don’t remember it making her feel less than or sidelined. It certainly didn’t affect whether she was seen as able to serve in callings.
That’s so different from what I am facing. A good 50% or more of church talks and lessons in my ward are about the temple. I literally looked up the topic for this last 5th week lesson before committing to go. I saw it was supposed to be about Christ so I went. It was a bait and switch. They advertised Christ and then spent whole time talking about the temple. It’s really feeling like we worship the temple not Christ. I am having a hard time finding Christ anywhere.
I am now going to check out a weeknight class at a local progressive church that is all about Jesus’s parables. I’ve got to find some Jesus somewhere.
" They advertised Christ and then spent whole time talking about the temple. " THIS is how I feel so often. We have our pet topics (like the temple) and then nod to Jesus somehow in the lesson, like, 'you'll feel closer to Christ is you go'. I would love nothing more than a study group on Jesus's parables. I should try to find one in Provo. ~Cynthia
Always with the B and S (bait and switch). I’m so over it I’ve started to walk out and just head home. If I can’t find Christ at church, I’ll find Him in meditation and readings at home.
The church is in California (where I live) not Provo, but the class is done remotely. Sadly, I learned there’s only one more week. So it’s finishing. I bet there is something near you.
Thanks so much for these thoughts as well as all the episodes on facing one’s take on the temple. It’s all been one of the greatest gifts in my life - thank you! For most of my adult life “go to the temple more” was on every yearly goals list - though every year I never managed to go more than once or twice. (The muppet of shame was popping up in my head for decades:) And so, all your discussions and episodes on the topic gave me permission to get in contact with MY feelings/attitudes/beliefs about the temple, and have respect for MY take. My goals list this year actually included - “Stay out of the temple” - as I’ve recognized the heavy weight I feel inside there, because - to paraphrase Susan - “why would I want to be in a place where my beautiful, amazing adult children whom I love more than my life - aren’t deemed worthy to be?”
Oh Jaq this makes me so happy to know that our efforts over the last 5 years to just normalize different feelings and experiences, about the temple or anything, has helped! ~Cynthia
Thank you once again for your honesty! I believe so many are feeling shame, maybe mostly because they think they’re alone in their feelings. Thank you for giving voice to what so many feel. You are both gifted writers and speakers!
If we can reduce shame then our job is done! I will not sit idly by while good, whole, compassionate women--women who get shiz done--feel shame for just needing something spiritually different than their LDS comunity offers.
I gave a talk on "How the temple has blessed my family" where I fully admitted that we don't go to the temple "like we should" , my message as about how the experience is difficult for some and that the temple is an idea that can still bless us. I had lots of people in the ward thank me for my forthright message.
The beautiful thing about honesty is that it leads others to embrace their truth. One woman said she has always been afraid to go back to the temple for fear of "not being good enough", but my talk encouraged her to go anyway. This journey of faith is different for everyone.
I went to the temple every week the summer after I graduated high school. It was actually a pretty positive spiritual experience…until my peers were starting work at the temple and were assigned to be in the font.
I can’t describe the full body embarrassment of these string bean boys trying to fully immerse this softball skinny body, lol. Ten years later, it’s funny now, but I can’t help but feel a little cynical about it.
It’s rarely considered that the act of baptism is a very physically vulnerable position for both participants. I think it’s largely bc temple baptisms are “for the kids”, and a team of dads aren’t going to have a hard time baptizing a bunch of 14 year olds.
I have no desire to get endowed. So if I want to experience the peace that I felt doing temple baptisms I have to (1) find a man-or a boy over 16yo, 🙄 (2) that has an active recommend, (3) who I trust, (4) and has the time to go with me.
It doesn’t feel like there’s any room for adult women in the temple unless they’re endowed. It feels like I’m being cowed into “taking the next step of faith”, not bc I believe in it or bc it’s right for me, but bc this is the only convenient way to worship in the temple.
Always here for an Amy Poehler mantra. I have been noticing more and more how feelings like yours resonate with others and if I were to conduct a survey, it seems likely the statistic would be substantial. And when I consider that with the fact that we are still so afraid to phrase questions that are more open-ended when it comes to the temple (and other things), I get discouraged.
I had an experience in RS a few weeks ago after the question was posed, "How can going to the temple help you be a disciple of Christ?" I said I try to be a disciple of Christ and sometimes (ok most times) the temple isn't how I do it. I shared that I have had really positive experiences in the temple and some negative. I gave examples of how it's been difficult, like feeling panicky and claustrophobic and how once, as a worker, I got screamed at for several minutes by a fellow higher-up worker in the bride's room, el oh el. It was very traumatizing but I think of that every time someone promises how wonderful the temple will always be each and every time. I have accepted that life is complicated and the temple can be too. Why wouldn't it be, for heaven's sake.
My phone blew up after that with people appreciating my admitting that it isn't all spiritual fireworks all the time at the temple. I just wish we could learn to ask questions with the understanding and allowance that not all experiences are the same. And to stop. making. promises. on how others will experience a thing. I mean really, how hard is it, instead of "You WILL," to say "You MAY have some profound spiritual experiences in the temple..." the end. :)
Jen, thanks so much! Couldn't agree more with "stop. making. promises. on how others will experience a thing." AMEN. ~C
You really are a lovely person, inside and outside. I’m sorry you felt shame. That does not speak well for the church and its proclivity for exact obedience. You are right that if we think differently it’s unwelcome. I feel that keenly in my ward & stake. Hugs to you.
I chose not to renew my temple recommend as soon as I started college and wasn't being pressured to go by the Young Women's program. I always felt the Spirit incredibly strongly in the temple, far stronger than I've felt it anywhere else. But unfortunately, I've never once felt worthy to go inside, even when I was a cute little 12-year-old. I was too ashamed to talk to anyone about feeling unworthy, and too scared to say no, so I would dread temple visits for weeks beforehand and hope that I would get violently ill so I wouldn't have to go. I'm not going back to the temple in the foreseeable future. Part of it is me not believing much in the Church anymore (recognizing the sexism, plus feeling guilty all the time when I was active), and part of it is me realizing that if I did believe, I would never feel good enough. When I lost the majority of my faith, I lost the guilt and shame that went with it, because I realized that the Church was flawed and so I didn't have to be perfect or do everything they said. This was a major improvement to my life, but I wish faith and guilt weren't a package deal. I'm doing well, I'm happier and less guilty than I was when I was active, and I think losing my faith was definitely the right path for me at this point in my life. However, I think that the temple could have been something beautiful in my life, if things had turned out differently and I hadn't been taught to feel all that guilt, and it's a shame that it wasn't.
Thank you for being sharing your vulnerability around this topic.
I too was feeling quite similarly filled with shame Saturday evening and couldn’t place my finger on why. I immersed myself in the words of Rohr and Nouwen, but your words were what I needed most.
Warning: this is long. I didn’t think it would be, but it just all poured out.
My whole life, I loved going to the temple. After I went through as a single adult BYU student in 1982, it was one of my favorite places to go to do work for the dead, get inspiration for life questions, and to just feel the peace and calm that my life usually did not hold. I have had several very spiritual experiences in the temple that I cherish.
As I raised a family and after my divorce, I recognized the problems and issues other members have with the temple. I try to always validate others’ experiences. I try to make comments in lessons that acknowledge the difficulties some members have with temple attendance.
Then came the day after my queer child came home from their mission and spent 3 years trying to stay in the church. I decided I couldn’t/wouldn’t go back until all worthy church members were allowed to be sealed in the temple to the spouse of their choosing. I am still of that same mind even though my child resigned their membership.
I haven’t brought it up to anyone in my ward except super close friends and just let opportunities to renew my recommend or go on ward temple trips pass without comment.
But two weeks ago, after choir practice before Sacrament Meeting (I am the current ward chorister), two men were discussing a member who was going through for the first time the next week. One turned to me and asked if I was going.
To my (internal) surprise, I looked straight at him and said “Oh, I don’t go to the temple any more.”
I thought he’d react, but the conversation moved on and nothing more was said.
I’ve been waiting to see if any more shoes will drop because he is a member of the bishopric. But if it does, too bad.
I miss the chance to be in a peaceful, beautiful building where I can be away from the stress from the world and feel close to the spirit world doing work that I still believe is good. I cherish the experiences I’ve had there.
But I feel peace and close to my Heavenly Parents and my family beyond the veil in other locations, so I’m good.
(Besides, I am not paying tithing currently and may not ever again, so it’s a moot point anyway.🤷🏻♀️)
Thank you, Cynthia (and Susan) for giving us a place to discuss complicated topics and to feel community with others.
Like Susan said in our recent temple episode, the temple loses its luster when our kids aren't welcome there. Thanks for sharing these tender thoughts, Greta. Hugs, Cynthia
Shame is such a slippery emotion to identify and to process. Huzzah to you Cynthia for sharing
your wrestle and how you came to resolution. Shame often whispers just loud enough to be heard but just quiet enough to escape detection in our conscious minds. It takes cultivated self-awareness to probe discomfort and unpack its source.
Timely. Thank you. After 5 years w/o a recommend, I went back to support my son preparing for a mission. I was curious and wanted to give the experience the benefit of the doubt - and that maybe I had unknowingly missed it in my life.
I can’t tell you the overwhelming anxiety and regret I felt as I drove to the temple. I didn’t want to go. I felt sad that my son was being “made” to go. I loved the kindness and warmth from the people in the temple - but that left as I went through the session. I was so distressed I just wanted it to end.
As people have talked to me and shared their love for the temple, I have held on to the “good for you, not for me” mantra. I felt some disappointment that I didn’t feel the same way, but it’s okay. I find God and Christ in so many other ways.
" I find God and Christ in so many other ways." This is the thing!! and I don't even think the church would disagree with this statement. Connection to God is the whole reason for our worship and that can (and does) happen loads of places! ~C
Very relatable! Thanks for sharing!
A few years ago I was asked to speak in sacrament meeting on the subject of "How the Book of Mormon has developed my faith in Jesus Christ." Even though I enjoy preparing sacrament meeting talks, I tried to decline, saying I didn't think I was the best person for that topic, since I found a lot of the BoM problematic for me. The counselor who had asked me said they really wanted to have a variety of perspectives in sacrament meeting, and that he shared some of his difficulties with the text. So I spoke, and explained how when I needed personal comfort, clarity, or inspiration, I was more likely to turn to sacred music, the book of Psalms, the letters of John, or a quiet walk in a park than to the BoM. I said I didn't dislike the book, and found some things of value in it, but it just doesn't resonate with me that much. (One of the reasons I cited was the fact that women's voices are almost completely absent.) I have never be before had so many people thank me for a sacrament meeting talk, or ask for a copy of it to share with a friend or family member. The experience of that taught me to be more open about how "your mileage may vary" with anything church-related!
WAY TO BE BRAVE!
Oh my goodness, Cynthia— I couldn’t have said this better myself. I’m always so pleasantly surprised when you and Susan are able to articulate feelings I haven’t quite been able to name or bring to the surface. You give words and meaning to what I’ve only felt. The shame monster is real, and it’s incredibly freeing to hear someone else’s lived experience echo my own. And now I feel a little less alone.
yea that shame monster might always surface here and there but thankfully we all have the tools now to squash that puppet! ~C
This was a great piece. It’s interesting though, because I must be one of the lucky ones that has never felt shame for not attending regularly. We did get married in the temple but for the next 6 years the closest temple was 1800 miles away, so we never got back to a temple until moving west. With that move we were about 2 1/2 hours from a temple but attending was still a challenge with 2 small children, and then twins added to our family a year later. My husband,
although very believing, never felt the temple a big priority either. His first time going was just before a mission with no preparation, found it odd and came away with a raging headache. So because of our history I’ve never felt shame for not going but totally understand why that’s a thing. I’ve definitely felt the shame of not being enough in the church at times. I’m so much more grounded to have come out to a healthier other side.
Thanks Cynthia and Susan. The podcast this week was awesome. You and your guests give us so much much validation. 🤗
thanks for sharing diana...i wouldn't say I feel shame for not loving the temple, nor shame around not attending. Like you I never felt that kind of shame. I did, however, feel "shame that my obedience never led to a swelling and sprouting...Shame at my failure to get the good fruit from planted seeds." As a compliant rule keeping person, THAT is where my shame creeps in. Like I wrote, I hate admitting this because what 50+ year old woman wants to admit she still wants to be seen as The Good Girl.Not all the time, but some of the time. So hard!!! ~Cynthia
Oh I totally get that! Perhaps a bit like imposter syndrome? I definitely feel it myself because I’m still part of the church community but sometimes wonder how people would feel about me or judge if they knew me fully? Not that I’ve changed in a bad way - but I don’t believe the same anymore. I really relate to an Exponent II piece on Instagram this morning. Wouldn’t it be great to know people in our own congregations that feel the same way? There’s always that pressure to conform to community standards 🥴
Thank you, Cynthia. I’m living in a similar space right now. I keep butting heads with the endless temple stuff because I just don’t believe most of it and I find a lot of it problematic.
My grandmother lived her whole life in the church married to my grandpa who didn’t go or participate. They were not married in the temple. This meant that even though she was very active her whole life and served in any and all callings available to women including RS president, she did not go to the temple until very late in her life bc women weren’t allowed to go without an active believing endowed husband. Back then the temple wasn’t pushed endlessly in every lesson. I don’t remember it making her feel less than or sidelined. It certainly didn’t affect whether she was seen as able to serve in callings.
That’s so different from what I am facing. A good 50% or more of church talks and lessons in my ward are about the temple. I literally looked up the topic for this last 5th week lesson before committing to go. I saw it was supposed to be about Christ so I went. It was a bait and switch. They advertised Christ and then spent whole time talking about the temple. It’s really feeling like we worship the temple not Christ. I am having a hard time finding Christ anywhere.
I am now going to check out a weeknight class at a local progressive church that is all about Jesus’s parables. I’ve got to find some Jesus somewhere.
" They advertised Christ and then spent whole time talking about the temple. " THIS is how I feel so often. We have our pet topics (like the temple) and then nod to Jesus somehow in the lesson, like, 'you'll feel closer to Christ is you go'. I would love nothing more than a study group on Jesus's parables. I should try to find one in Provo. ~Cynthia
Always with the B and S (bait and switch). I’m so over it I’ve started to walk out and just head home. If I can’t find Christ at church, I’ll find Him in meditation and readings at home.
The church is in California (where I live) not Provo, but the class is done remotely. Sadly, I learned there’s only one more week. So it’s finishing. I bet there is something near you.
Thanks so much for these thoughts as well as all the episodes on facing one’s take on the temple. It’s all been one of the greatest gifts in my life - thank you! For most of my adult life “go to the temple more” was on every yearly goals list - though every year I never managed to go more than once or twice. (The muppet of shame was popping up in my head for decades:) And so, all your discussions and episodes on the topic gave me permission to get in contact with MY feelings/attitudes/beliefs about the temple, and have respect for MY take. My goals list this year actually included - “Stay out of the temple” - as I’ve recognized the heavy weight I feel inside there, because - to paraphrase Susan - “why would I want to be in a place where my beautiful, amazing adult children whom I love more than my life - aren’t deemed worthy to be?”
Oh Jaq this makes me so happy to know that our efforts over the last 5 years to just normalize different feelings and experiences, about the temple or anything, has helped! ~Cynthia
Thank you once again for your honesty! I believe so many are feeling shame, maybe mostly because they think they’re alone in their feelings. Thank you for giving voice to what so many feel. You are both gifted writers and speakers!
If we can reduce shame then our job is done! I will not sit idly by while good, whole, compassionate women--women who get shiz done--feel shame for just needing something spiritually different than their LDS comunity offers.
I gave a talk on "How the temple has blessed my family" where I fully admitted that we don't go to the temple "like we should" , my message as about how the experience is difficult for some and that the temple is an idea that can still bless us. I had lots of people in the ward thank me for my forthright message.
What a gift you gave to your audience! Normalizing the difficulty. ~Cynthia
The beautiful thing about honesty is that it leads others to embrace their truth. One woman said she has always been afraid to go back to the temple for fear of "not being good enough", but my talk encouraged her to go anyway. This journey of faith is different for everyone.