Say More: At Last She Writes It
No. 16 | May 2024
Is God My Senator?
By Rhiannon
I gave a talk in church recently. It was about grace and the pitfalls of viewing God's love and blessings as a transaction or business deal. Here is a quote I shared and it gives a general idea of what I spoke about:
“What bothers me about God things is that they remind me of the cosmic lottery—that sobering dichotomy between the world’s rich and the world’s poor, between the lucky and the unlucky—which has always been a sticking point between God and I.
If God’s goodness is qualified by how much stuff he gives out, I reason, then he’s not especially good. He might be good to that family who caught their flight and made it to the wedding on time, but he’s not especially good to an orphan in India who just lost both his parents to AIDS.
Maybe the problem lies not in God’s goodness but in how we measure it.”
—Rachel Held Evans, Faith Unraveled
My talk was followed by a high councilor. He began by sharing a story about skiing with his kids and extended family: in-laws, nieces, and nephews. His son loses his white-colored ski in the white snow. After several frustrating moments, they all pray asking for divine help in the procurement of this ski. The man speaking confesses that he is about ready to give up, head down the mountain, and rent a pair of skis, and then at the last moment, his son finds the ski. All is well.
The speaker attributes the discovery of the ski to God and the collective faith of his family on the mountain that day.
The high councilor then goes into comparing this to “Faith in Multitudes” and that the stake president would like everyone to fast, on the next fast and testimony Sunday, for missionary opportunities. His point is, if we fast together collectively we can work together to find missionary work.
I was a little baffled; did I not just speak about the problem with “God Things?” The love of our heavenly parents is not a machine, where we put in obedience and fasting and out comes blessings and qualified worthiness.
I don't disagree with fasting as a group or collectively praying for a common thing. There is beauty in mourning and unifying our hearts together, and fasting is one way in which we can do that. Prayer and fasting shouldn't be used as a tool in altering the will of God, and suggesting that there is more power in petitioning God for change through those methods is problematic.
When we see divine love as some reward or transaction it reduces the love of our heavenly parents. It assumes that their love is the product of sacrifice, obedience, and hustle culture. In actuality, their love interrupts this idea completely. It is the real beauty of what is grace.
Considering the high councilor’s invitation for all of us to pray and fast about missionary work my mind wandered to our current legislative session and all the urgency about writing or calling elected officials to either vote for a bill or create a resolution about something. Ideally, if you can get enough people to petition about something, maybe the elected official would represent that idea, vote, or not vote regarding your appeal.
If God is my Senator then he isn't doing a very good job.
Does God work the same way? Does he listen to prayers more if 100 people are asking the same thing vs just one? Is God like my senator or another elected official waiting to hear how they should write a resolution or vote? How many emails do we need to send and phone calls need to be made?
If God is my senator then he isn't doing a very good job.
Sure, he can help some find lost keys or a ski even, but he isn’t appropriately representing the 30,000+ people (many of whom are children) who have lost their lives in Gaza.
I have had more prayers go seemingly unanswered than prayers answered. In my own Garden of Gethsemane, I have often wondered why God was silent. When I say that we are better off changing our perspectives on blessings and prayer, I am speaking from the experience of feeling neglected by divinity. I have often wondered why God is answering other people’s petitions but flat-out ignoring my own or others’ in more dire circumstances.
I know I am better off viewing God as a companion and friend, and I believe you are too. I know that our heavenly parents love us so much more than our happiness and deserve more respect than to be depicted as a vending machine or elected official.
Note: If this piece has you thinking, you might complement it with What About Blessings? It’s ALSSI Ep. 60, S & C’s unpacking of a transactional view of God. You can find it here.
Deconstruction is Not a Bad Word
by Zinah Burke
I don't live near Provo and have never been to the Provo Temple but I have been watching via friends the complete demolition of this iconic building. Well recognized, well loved, and well attended, it served the people of Provo well for many decades. But now it is being torn down and rebuilt.
The pictures are jarring. A place that was so carefully built, that served as a peaceful place of ritual and worship torn to shreds. From the outside it all looks so violent and garish. To see a thing of such beauty reduced to a pile of rubble is upsetting and painful.
I am accustomed to seeing progress photos of various temples as they are constructed or carefully remodeled and updated. But this is something new. Indeed, the temple facilities manager, Dave Carlton, said that the Church has rarely completely demolished a temple. As I searched for an answer as to why such a dramatic project was undertaken, I found on a temples website one brief sentence of explanation. The new Provo Temple will be built up to current codes and be more energy efficient.
I find this process of tearing down and rebuilding this most sacred of buildings to be an apt metaphor for the deconstruction/reconstruction process I am going through with my own faith. In recent weeks I have heard a talk from a stake presidency member disparaging the idea of “deconstruction,” and saw a social media post insisting that the word “deconstruction” itself comes from the adversary. Both the post and the talk made sure to emphasize that instead we should be looking to build our faith and testimonies, to be continuously in “construction” mode.
However, you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs. Or in other words, you can’t actually do any sort of construction work without making a bit of a mess. And no matter how carefully a building was constructed, eventually it needs updates. The carpet needs replacing, the air conditioning wears out, the pipes in the ground corrode. Or, as is the case with the Provo Temple, new regulations and codes are written that will make the building safer, because we now have new information and knowledge that we didn’t have when we first erected the temple.
The pictures of the Provo Temple are rather devastating. It is hard to see such an iconic place reduced to a pile of debris. But we aren’t panicking, because we know there is a plan to build something new and different, maybe even better.
"Deconstruction” and “destruction” are two very different words.
If we can understand why a building might need to eventually go through a remodel, or even a complete demolition and rebuild, why are we then so reluctant to accept that our faith may occasionally need updates too?
There seems to be a lack of willingness to accept that reconstruction could possibly be necessary for anything other than a spiritual disaster. If your faith house looks like a pile of rubble, the only explanation must be because Satan came by with his “shafts in the whirlwind” and knocked it down! So scary! Maybe you left the gate unlocked and vandals came by with sledgehammers, wreaking havoc in the night. How sad that you ceased your vigilance.
But "deconstruction” and “destruction” are two very different words. Deconstruction is deliberate and intentional and does not necessarily mean something bad happened. My faith has not been destroyed, it has been deconstructed. Much like my family chose to remodel our home when I was a child to better accommodate our growing family, I have taken a look at my faith and realized it no longer fit me as it once did.
As children in the Church we are given a very specific set of blueprints for our very own faith house. We are promised that if we follow those blueprints precisely we will build a house that will serve us to the end of our days with no changes necessary. For some people, this is truly all they need and they are very happy. My faith house that I built was comfortable, warm, and secure for many years.
And then, slowly, I started to grow and expand. I started listening to the stories of people who had never felt comfortable in the faith house they were told to build. It didn’t work for them. The more I learned and grew and listened, the less comfortable my house became too. So over the years I slowly tore up the carpets, then carefully knocked out a few walls. But the more I looked behind the walls and under the floors, the more problems I found. I learned that it was possible to not just build one specific house, but MY dream house, that follows MY codes and regulations and aligns with the new knowledge about safety and comfort that I have gained. I don’t want everything to be the same as it was before. In order for me to build this dream house, I have to go through a period of serious demolition and destruction, just like the Provo Temple. There is no other way.
So, I am not afraid of “deconstruction.” I don’t believe the adversary has anything to do with it. It is not only a normal part of life, but often necessary to our continued spiritual development. Although my pile of rubble may look extremely alarming, particularly to those who believe there is never any good reason to undertake such a project, I know that what I choose to build on this spot will be better than ever before. It turns out I didn’t actually want the cookie cutter house in a neighborhood full of identical dwellings. It is far past time for me to build the home that truly suits me.
The Provo Temple is coming back. It will look different but it will serve the same purpose. Because we know this, we do not despair at the photos that look like disaster has struck. Church leaders and members likewise do not need to panic at the idea of faith “deconstruction.” Instead they might try asking “What have you learned and how are you better for it?”
Note: Want more insights about deconstruction? C & S recommend supplementing this essay with Pete Enns/Jared Byas’s latest interview with author Sarah Bessey. It’s Faith For Normal People Episode 37, It’s Okay to Deconstruct. You’ll find it here.
What If…
by Jodi Gale
What if above all, we loved God and we loved others?
Love God (Her, Him, They?)
And love others.
Those that think, believe, vote, love, and pray differently.
Those that choose a different path.
Imagine.
What if instead of sending thousands of young women and men into the world to convince people to change their beliefs…
What if those same young women and men just served as Christ did.
Imagine.
What if instead of asking exhausted members to clean church buildings and temples, and then calling those same members on missions to help other members find jobs… What if we paid decent wages to have buildings and temples cleaned? Imagine.
What if spirituality wasn’t defined for us by men?
What if we weren’t told that the prescribed way to feel the spirit was in scriptures (that were written by men, primarily about men), by attending the temple (that was created by men, mostly for men), and by church attendance (a place run by men, predominantly for men). Imagine.
What if we honored rocking a baby to sleep as a spiritual experience? What if marveling at a sunset was just as recognized?
What if crocheting a baby blanket, planning a child’s birthday party, caring for an aging parent, creating a kickass spreadsheet, cooking dinner for your family, running a board meeting, early morning walks, planting a garden, meditation… all were celebrated as the powerful forms of spirituality they are?
Imagine.
What if instead of building hundreds of temples around the world, we consider what Christ might do if He were here?
What if those same funds instead breathed life into communities:
Built shelters where the homeless find warmth, kitchens where the hungry are fed with dignity, centers where the unemployed gain skills for new beginnings, and clinics where health is a right, not a privilege.
What if caring for the living mattered even a fraction as much as work for the dead? What impact could this have on society?
Imagine the renewal and hope.
Imagine.
What if instead of being told to go to the temple again and again and again… The temple–
That place where we are told to only talk about what happens in the temple within the temple, and yet in the temple...
Do. Not. Talk. There is no place in the temple to talk. To ask questions.
So many questions.
A place where rituals and symbols overshadow the essence of love, and fear lingers. Where inclusion is forgotten and underwear is all-important.
Where we covenant with the Church more than with God.
Where we learn even more painful truths of patriarchy and polygamy.
Where we learn a great deal about Satan and nothing of Heavenly Mother. Where we learn nothing of a woman's role in the eternities…
Yet women CREATE beauty all around them…we are CREATORS of life. How was this missed in the temple ceremony?
What if, rather than repetitive temple visits, we were encouraged to embrace the world’s kaleidoscope of faiths, beliefs, and cultures? To learn from the rich tapestry of humanity, understanding that every encounter with difference is a step towards a fuller, more compassionate spirituality.
Christ knew this. Christ lived this.
Christ loved. Love as He did.
Mourn with those that mourn. Bear one another’s burdens.
Feed the hungry. Nourish the sick. Comfort the lonely.
Imagine the possibilities.
Rules
by KC Bramer
At the end of October 2023 V. Gene Robinson, a retired Episcopal bishop, preached a sermon at Washington National Cathedral. He was preaching on the commandments to love God and love your neighbor.
He started the sermon by talking about rules, all the rules the Jewish people had/have to make sure they follow the commandments of God. He mentioned the concept of building a fence around the law, which means that you do more than the law actually specifies to make sure you are obeying the law. The example he used was the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. An example of this would be to have two separate refrigerators to ensure that meat and milk are not mixed according to kosher food rules.
He talked about how laws can be used to exclude and judge others. Rules are good because it’s easy to know where we and others stand when it comes to God. “A judgmental person’s dream come true,” according to Bishop Robinson.
He mentioned that the most popular set of rules, The Ten Commandments, are a pretty low bar. He said, “I can keep all of the Ten Commandments and still be a selfish jerk … doing nothing for anyone.”
Lately I’ve been having some challenges with some of the rules of the LDS Church, particularly the Word of Wisdom. When I was first baptized I decided to just follow the rules without understanding because that’s what I needed to do: be baptized, get my Endowment, and be Sealed. I can understand tobacco and to a certain extent alcohol. What I don’t understand is how coffee and black and green tea got onto the forbidden list. The Word of Wisdom says only hot drinks. What makes one unclean is what comes out of a person and not what goes in. I have a hard time thinking that God will bar someone from His presence because of a cup of Earl Grey or some green tea. (I’m not even going to go into the whole exact obedience thing which doesn’t seem to apply to the W of W.)
Bishop Robinson points out that it is impossible to separate ourselves from the love of God and that the important thing is being faithful to the relationship that we have established with God. Comparing it to a marriage, he points out that it is impossible to make rules that will cover everything that comes up. The promise is to honor and to be faithful to the spouse. A relationship of this type requires confession, forgiveness, honesty and humility. It does not carry the certainty of having rules to follow, but it is the best way as it is impossible to follow exactly all the rules.
What fence in our lives needs to be moved?
He ended the sermon with a story about some Army buddies who try to bury a friend who died in battle in a local cemetery in France. The priest of the church would not allow the burial as the Army buddies didn't know if the man who died had been baptized. The priest said they would bury their friend just outside the fence. They felt it was second class of the priest to do this, but they needed to get back to their unit. They marked the grave with a stone and then left.
After the war the buddies wanted to pay their respects before returning home. They went to the village and the church, but couldn’t find the stone that marked the grave. They went to the priest to ask what he had done with their friend. The priest said that he felt bad about what he had done and so he moved the fence.
Bishop Robinson then issues a challenge. How do we want to reflect the unfailing love that God has for us? What fence in our lives needs to be moved? Rules will not do it. It has to be a relationship with God. This is what I need from my faith community. A community that helps each other to grow our relationship with God. Not one that constantly polices me with rules.
A Woman’s Prayer
by Sarah
Set me free from these, deemed vital, covers. As Jesus taught, don't make me mask my light. Clothe me with the image of the Mother. As I dared look my reflection over, Self-love I never claimed—"Hide from men's sight," They said, "You're temptation and need cover." Beauty that I never could discover, Stifled 'neath a veil of uniform white, Along with connection to the Mother. But She calls to me with wisdom of Her! In my bosom a holy flame ignites, Burning off the shackles of my covers. Her flowing grace empow'rs me forever To let my creativity take flight— Adorning my curves that mirror Mother's. She and I take pregnant pause together, Enrobed in femininity and might. Set me free from these, deemed vital, covers. Clothe me with the image of the Mother.
Gut Punch
by Emily Wadley
The purchase of the Joseph and Emma Smith Homestead in Nauvoo, IL by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints feels like a privileged, polygamist punch in the gut. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the sale of properties by the Community of Christ to the LDS Church announced on March 5th, 2024, was itself unethical; but I do believe immoral (not to mention, illegal) activities of powerful men in a little town by the Mississippi almost two centuries ago, set the stage to make this, I’m just going to say it, inevitable transaction possible. It is a tragic “might wins over right” story. On Emma Smith’s behalf, on her children’s behalf, and on behalf of the faithful members of the Community of Christ, I do believe the sale is heartbreaking. If you aren’t sure which side I think is deep in might, and which side I think is in the right, check the price tag of the total sale: $192,000,000.
If that’s not might, I don’t know what is. In case the gut punchy nausea isn’t resonating yet, I can explain my heartbreak further. I’m not old enough to have heard blatant criticism of Emma Smith in church, but I am old enough to have falsely believed that the Reorganized Church of Latter-day Saints was created and led by Joseph’s son because Emma thought he should be the next prophet. I was 34 years old when my research outside of the chapel walls shed historical light on my beliefs. The truth is, Joseph III was 13-years-old when his father was killed, too young to be the president of anything outside of a marble trading co-op, and Emma thought William Marks, a stake president in Nauvoo, should be the next church president. (At the time, a president was different than a prophet. Most members of the church, likely Emma included, didn’t think there would be another prophet.) The source of more than a century of negativity in the church around Joseph’s widow and his fatherless children was Brigham Young.
For example, recorded in the Journal of Discourses, Brigham Young spoke about the murdered prophet’s family on Aug 24, 1872, at a conference in Farmington, UT:
“We would be very glad to have the privilege of saying that the children of Joseph Smith Jr, the prophet of God, were firm in the faith of the gospel, and following in the footsteps of their father. But what are they doing? Trying to blot out every vestige of the work their father performed on the earth. The boys have no will, no mind, no judgment independent of their mother. I still look for the day when the Lord will touch [David’s] eyes. (David was Joseph and Emma’s youngest son, born in Nov. 1844) But I do not look for it while his mother lives. The Lord would do it now if David were willing; but he is not, he places his mother first and foremost, and would take her counsel sooner than he would the counsel of the Almighty, consequently he can do nothing, he knows nothing, he has no faith.”
Why such hostile disapproval from Brigham? Were Joseph’s boys really trying to destroy his work? Were they just disillusioned puppets for their mother?
At the time this address was given in Utah, Joseph III was leading a church group in the Nauvoo area that he helped organize in 1860. But it wasn’t Emma who convinced Joseph III to lead the church eventually called the Community of Christ, it was his own interest and a feeling he had been called to it by God. Emma rarely attended, and when she did, it was in the role of supportive mother, not vengeful zealot. Members of this group had been gathering informally in the years since the other Mormons fled west, desiring to continue the practice of the religion they believed Joseph had prophetically restored to the earth, including believing in the divinity of the Book of Mormon. What was the defining difference between their Mormonism and Utah Mormonism? Polygamy.
In an article published in the Salt Lake Tribune in 1872, two weeks after Brigham’s Farmington speech, a column writer offered a hypothesis for Brigham’s anger with Emma:
“It has been since the Mormons left Nauvoo, the very vicious and unmanly habit of Brigham Young and others to revile the name of Mrs. Emma Smith. Heber C. Kimball has sometimes taken "sister Emmy's" part, as he did in Nauvoo when [Brigham] threatened he would humble her to his feet and leave her in utter destruction. For years one could often hear the story told in Salt Lake City how "Emmy Smith" rebelled against Joseph and burned the revelation. Emma tried to lead her husband away from the counsel of Brigham, and with all her might opposed polygamy. This was all said then in reproach, but there are many now who are turning it to her praise. [She] burned [the] revelation, that foul imposture which has corrupted a religious people and made victims of every woman who has been entrapped into the system. Altogether outside of the Mormon Church there are hundreds of our best citizens who would delight to honor the woman who for thirty years has so nobly fought for the honor of marriage and the integrity of her sex under such trying and peculiar circumstances. There can be very little doubt that had Joseph Smith followed the moral promptings of his wife instead of his own passions [and] the ambitious men who were around him, the Mormon prophet would have been alive today and at the head of a loyal people in the Rocky Mountains.”
Brigham likely disparaged Emma because she disparaged polygamy; a practice that threatened her relationship with her husband, was illegal in the US, and abandoned by the church less than 50 years later. Joseph’s boys and their posterity didn’t destroy the work of their prophet-father. They preached the restored gospel through the generations and continue to do so now as the Community of Christ. But sadly, 180 years later, there are members of the LDS Church who feel that the “other” church was out of line existing in the first place, and the “true” version of Mormonism should have owned the property of the March 4th sale from the beginning. “It’s about time!,” “The restoration of the true church continues,” “I’m so pleased this has finally happened,” are sentiments I’ve read in comments online ad nauseam since the sale was announced.
How might the LDS Church be different today if Joseph hadn’t been killed in Nauvoo? If polygamy had gone away before the manifesto ousted it officially in 1890, would the LDS Church look more like that little band of Mormon Reorganizers on the banks of the Mississippi? The power of Brigham’s polygamic church truly increased from generation to generation, but I don’t think the current wealth of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints justifies the emotional price paid by Emma or any other woman whose heart was broken by polygamy. The freedoms championed by capitalism are certainly valuable; but choosing to use those freedoms to offer power in equal measure to those without is invaluable. This kind of world-changing use of power would lead us all into equality, the long-suffering hope of God’s children. I’m inspired by a description of the Community of Christ contained in the news release of the sale. “Community of Christ strives to restore Christ’s peace on Earth and challenge unjust systems that diminish human worth.” I wish I lived in a world where this kind of organization had more might. To me, that seems right.
Contributors
Rhiannon
I like to laugh hard and read thought-provoking books.
I am married and I have 3 boys.
I like to garden flowers! I love large dahlias, mammoth-sized sunflowers, and very big zinnias.
I am a closeted introvert.
You can read more of my Say More work here.
Zinah Burke
I am an amateur musician and writer who loves to learn. You can often find me reading one of the many non-fiction books on my ever growing 'for later' list, listening to a podcast about politics or faith reconstruction, writing out my thoughts in my journal, or practicing music for the community choir I sing with. At least, when I’m not busy raising my two young children. Find more of my Say More writing here.
Jodi Gale
We recently moved to Florida, and I'm in love with the ocean & e-bike rides, palm trees & sandhill cranes, swimming pools and planting everything. With 6 adult children, 3 daughters-in-law, and 3 grandchildren, my life is full of delightful chaos. I love working for a movie theater company, especially unlimited movies and popcorn! Find more of my Say More poetry here. Cheers to finding joy in your journey!
KC Bramer
When I was younger writing was a tool I used to deal with my world. I’ve come back to it now that I’m older to help me figure out what I think. I live in Minnesota with my husband Charles and our 2 cats. During the good weather months we walk, bike and take day trips. In the winter I surround myself with tea, books and yarn. I work as a pharmacist part time and do my best to go about doing good. Find more of my Say More writing here and here.
Sarah
I am an amateur artist/musician, wife, mother, homemaker, and lifelong learner, with a STEM degree I hope to someday use to make a difference. Some of my favorite things include good books, podcasts, food (both cooking and eating), long walks, petrichor, yoga, deep conversations, and the hilarious things my two young children say. You can find more of my Say More poetry here.
Emily Wadley
I grew up in a military family and got to live all over the US and Germany as a kid. I got a degree from the University of Utah in Vocal Music Education and taught choir and theater in public schools for 25 years. I have worked for the LDS Church as an actor, including playing Emma Smith in the Nauvoo Pageant; a director, including directing 3 seasons of the Nauvoo Pageant; and writer, including work on the British Pageant. I am now teaching voice students, doing voiceover work and still working on growing up. You can find my previous Say More contributions here, here, and here.
Thanks for helping us stay ad-free! We want this to be a community where we can ALL say it at last. Jump in! Send us a voicemail, start a chat thread … or write a piece for a future Say More.
Amen to all this and thank you for writing such beautiful words ladies! And there’s so much history to unearth, isn’t there? I’ve been studying hard for a decade and I haven’t touched the history of those who stayed in Nauvoo. Brigham was a piece of work, wasn’t he? While I’m sure those who stayed had just as many demons as the pioneers that left, it breaks my heart to hear Brigham disparage little boys for following their mother. It’s another moment of “WTH have I been taught?!”
JUST last night my husband and I were saying all these same things about fasting!! It just makes no logical sense to believe we can fast and receive rain, yet we don’t bother fasting for peace in Gaza!? Or anything “real”? Bc it’s just a ludicrous way to truly believe God will listen if only more people are praying for the same thing and fasting too? Over and over, everyone is reaching the same conclusions completely separate from one another. THAT is the only actual collective God group work that is being done right now I believe.