Episode 239 (Transcript): Let’s Talk About Enmeshment | A Conversation With Julie Hanks

Episode Transcript

Many thanks to listener Kayla Howell for her work in transcribing this episode!

This episode can be found on any podcast app or can be listened to here on our website as well. All the notes and resources we cited in the episode are found at this link as well:

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JH: And we’re good at it. I mean, I grew up regulating my parents and helping with siblings, and I’m really good at it. I’ve had to work so hard to set emotional boundaries, and I, like, I’ll imagine I’m in a bubble, right? And people st— It’s like I can see it, I can validate it, but it doesn’t sink in. It just hits the bubble and slides down.

I’m so tuned into other people that I can quickly go into that caretaking and like, I’ll be who you need me to be, kind of shape shifting, you know, in order to make you feel better and that just, that hurts us.

SH: Hello, I’m Susan Hinkley.

CW: And I am Cynthia Winward

SH: And this is At Last She Said It. We are women of faith discussing complicated things, and the title of today’s episode is “Let’s Talk about Enmeshment. A Conversation with Dr. Julie De Azevedo Hanks.” Hello Julie.

JH: Hello. So glad to be here.

SH: We’re thrilled to have you back.

CW: Welcome.

JH: Thank you. Thank you.

SH: I think that you’re a guest who needs absolutely no introduction whatsoever, but is there anything that you’d like to tell our listeners about yourself before we get into the conversation?

JH: I have four adult children, so I get to practice what I preach on a regular basis.

SH: I love hearing that because I’m trying to practice the things you preach and it’s not that easy, I’m just gonna say. So, I think Cynthia’s gonna lead us through the discussion today, so I’m just gonna turn it over to Cynthia to intro the topic and let’s get into it. Take it away, Cynthia.

CW: Alright. Well I am super glad to have Julie here and I feel like Susan, when we have therapists on the show that we often kind of use it as personal therapy for us. So today may not be…

SH: Unfortunate, but true.

CW: Today may not be that different because we need all kinds of help as well in talking about enmeshment.

But, I want to say a couple of months ago, Julie did a social media post. First of all, Julie, I don’t know where you get the energy to do ask-me-anythings, but you do them quite often. And I just love watching how those go down on social media.

JH: They’re so fun. And I usually do ‘em on travel days when I’m like on an airplane—

CW: I noticed.

JH: —hours or, anyway.