Episode 229: What About Empathy?

How can we know if we’re getting it right when it comes to meeting others with empathy? “Empathy is a tool of compassion,” writes Brene Brown. “We can respond empathically only if we are willing to be present to someone’s pain. If we’re not willing to do that, it’s not real empathy.” We’re living now in a time and society where people actually talk about the sin of empathy. But for followers of Jesus—charged to mourn with and comfort others—how can being present to someone else’s pain ever wear the title of “sin?” In Episode 229, Cynthia and Susan take on empathy, exploring this hot-button word and a few of the familiar ideas related to it. Why does such a simple sounding principle sometimes feel clumsy or complicated when we try to put it into practice?

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Notes & Quotes:

The Sin of Empathy, by Rev. Dana Colley Corsello, 3/30/2025
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience, by Brene Brown
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, by Brene Brown
ALSSI Ep. 131, Speaking in Sacrament Meeting | Following Jesus’ Example of Compassion
In a Politically Polarized Era, Sharp Divides in Both Partisan Coalitions, Pew Research Center, 12/17/2019
The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World, by Jamil Zhaki
The Reality of Fiction with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie | What Now? with Trevor Noah Podcast
Love and Law, by Dallin H. Oaks, 10/2009
Truth and the Plan, by Dallin H. Oaks, 10/2018
Interview With Elder Dallin H. Oaks and Elder Lance B. Wickman: “Same-Gender Attraction”, Newsroom, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Integrity: A Christlike Attribute, by Jack N. Gerard, April 2024
The Cost—And Blessings—of Discipleship, by Jeffrey R. Holland, April 2014
One Hundred Birds Taught Me to Fly: The Art of Seeking God, by Ashley Mae Hoiland

“I would argue that if Jesus is anything, he is empathic. If compassion is being willing to suffer alongside another, empathy is understanding how they feel. Jesus, as God, embodied empathy by coming to earth as a man and enduring the human experience. This is what we mean when we refer to the doctrine of the incarnation.

When our Bishop, Mariann Budde, preached at the Interfaith Service of Prayer for the Nation in January, she beseeched President Trump to have mercy on the most vulnerable among us. Her words triggered an avalanche of Christian Nationalist condemnation. Much of it highlighted what her critics literally called ‘the sin of empathy.’ Their argument was that ‘empathy’ amounts to a false gospel of ‘kindness’ that enables a culture of ‘coddling’ and ‘weakness.’” —Rev. Dana Colley Corsello

“In simple terms, the empathy I’m talking about is understanding what someone is feeling, not feeling it for them. If someone is feeling lonely, empathy doesn’t require us to feel lonely too, only to reach back into our own experience with loneliness so we can understand and connect.” —Brene Brown

“Jesus’ loyalty is to human suffering.” —Richard Rohr

“Empathy is a tool of compassion. We can respond empathically only if we are willing to be present to someone’s pain. If we’re not willing to do that, it’s not real empathy.” —Brene Brown

“The number one question I get when I’m teaching empathy is ‘How can I be empathic with someone if I haven’t had their experience?’ It’s a great question, because it exposes a dangerous myth about empathy. Empathy is not relating to an experience, it’s connecting to what someone is feeling about an experience. When I’m working with groups, I often ask participants to raise their hands if they know joy, hurt, heartbreak, shame, grief, love, etc. At the end, after all of the hands have been raised to every emotion, I say, ‘You’re qualified.’ You don’t need to be the expert or experience what they’ve experienced.” —Brene Brown

“People are hard to hate close up. Move in.” —Brene Brown

“Empathy is not toxic. Nor is it a sin. It moves us from understanding to action. And this is why the ability to empathize is a threat to those with a need to control. The arguments about toxic empathy are finding open ears because far right-wing, white evangelicals are looking for a moral framework around which they can justify President Trump’s executive orders and policies, and decrying empathy helps them do that.” —Rev. Dana Colley Corsello

“Fiction is the lie through which we tell the truth.” —Albert Camus

“Fiction is empathy's gateway drug. It helps us feel for others when real-world caring is too difficult, complicated or painful. Because of this, it can restore bonds between people even when that seems impossible.” —Jamil Zhaki

“I think [fiction] is our last frontier. It's only in literature that we can learn things that we cannot learn anywhere else. Journalism cannot tell us about human motivation. Journalism cannot go deep into the terrain of the human heart, which is really key for almost everything in the world.” —Chimimanda Ngozie Adichie

“God’s anger and His wrath are not a contradiction of His love but an evidence of His love.” —Dallin H. Oaks

“Love is not the answer to every question. It must be accompanied by and shaped by law and truth.” —Dallin H. Oaks

”I can also imagine some circumstances in which it might be possible to say, ‘Yes, come, but don’t expect to stay overnight. Don’t expect to be a lengthy house guest. Don’t expect us to take you out and introduce you to our friends, or to deal with you in a public situation that would imply our approval of your “partnership.” —Dallin H. Oaks (interview linked above)

“Christian kindness is not a substitute for integrity.” —Jack N. Gerard

“So-called ‘love’ that looks the other way when behavior endangers the very souls of the people it claims to serve is not love at all. It is merely hypocrisy or self-interest disguised as caring.” —Jeffrey R. Holland

“We need friends who will hope things for us we’re too discouraged to dream for ourselves. We need people who will lower us down through the roof rather than waiting for permission.” —Bob Goff

“There I am in the group on the roof. I see myself hoping to come to the feet of Christ and sometimes doing it in ways that are not prescribed or by the book. Or there again, I am among the people pressed into that home to hear Christ. I wonder so much about those people. How did they react when the man was lowered? Were they upset at the interruption? Did they feel like the paralytic man did not deserve to come right to the feet of Jesus when they had waited a long time and endured the cramped surroundings to see him, to hear him? How do I think of people who are coming to Christ in ways that differ from my own? How do I treat them? It is possible those people were harsh, but also—and I hope more likely—the crowd was nothing but kind and patient. What if everyone in that small room, gathered around Christ as he taught and healed the man, what if they celebrated in unison at the miracle they were a part of? What if their spirit contributed to the miracle? What if they marveled at the diverse paths that lead each person to Christ? What if they made that room—ceiling hole and all—a holy place of acceptance and kindness and celebration where one of their brothers was healed, where because he was, they too might be?” —Ashley Mae Hoiland

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