Episode 213: Introverts in an Extrovert's Church
“What is it like to be an introvert in a church that really supports extroversion?” When therapist C.A. Larson asked this question in a previous episode, it was a lightbulb moment for many listeners. Through voicemails, emails, and on social media, women of the ALSSI community reported feeling seen, and understanding their own church experiences in a new way. In Episode 213, Susan and Cynthia share and discuss the messages listeners submitted, as well as their own experiences. What might our church gain from fully embracing all personality types?
Notes & Quotes:
ALSSI Ep. 194, Religion, Spirituality, and Mental Health … Oh my! | A Conversation with C.A. Larson
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain
Are You Shy, Introverted, Both, or Neither (and Why Does It Matter)?, by Susan Cain
ALSSI Ep. 134, What About Converts? | A Conversation with KC Bramer
Shyness: Evolutionary Tactic?, by Susan Cain, New York Times, Opinion, 6/25/2011
“Introversion- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness- is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.” —Susan Cain
“Evangelicalism has taken the Extrovert Ideal to its logical extreme...If you don't love Jesus out loud, then it must not be real love. It's not enough to forge your own spiritual connection to the divine; it must be displayed publicly.” —Susan Cain
“We know from myths and fairy tales that there are many different kinds of powers in this world. One child is given a light saber, another a wizard's education. The trick is not to amass all the different kinds of power, but to use well the kind you've been granted.” —Susan Cain
I made a lot of progress as an adult on understanding introversion and how much that had shaped my experience of church and family life growing up, but I feel like a thing I have really struggled with in the last several years is how much it bugs me when people don't notice things that seem really fundamental and important to me. It was really helpful to think of it in terms of introversion, that perhaps introverts are more inclined this way, and that this might give me a way of understanding some of what's going on when other people just seem oblivious to things that I cannot believe they didn't notice immediately. So, thanks, as always, for saying it!
Thank you for this episode. Susan, I understand your preparing the dinner all by yourself for your ward. I done things like that too rather than asking for help and being rebuffed.
This podcast explained why I’ve felt so uncomfortable at Church.
I arrive at meetings as they start or a little after so I avoid feeling this way.
If I have a job—something to do—it makes a difference. But volunteering to help doesn’t always work because the same people are always chosen to help They know each other and I feel left out.
I feel so much better about being outside the inner circle.
Thank you.