ALSSI Newsletter
December 2021
Goodness have we received a lot of feedback on our worthiness episode! It seems we all have at least one (or 100!) experiences on the topic of worthiness. The following story is one that didn’t make it to the episode, but that I shared on social media the week we were promoting the worthiness episode.
In 1988 when I was 14, I was denied a temple recommend by my bishop. He asked me if I was a full tithe payer. It was January and I admitted that during December I had earned a lot of money babysitting and that I had lost track of all that I had earned and spent it all on Christmas gifts for my family.
The next Sunday my friends asked if I was going to the temple with them that week. I said I was denied a recommend and told them why. One of the girls laughed and said, “I’ve never paid a drop of tithing and I’m going!” (We were in the same YW class, as my ward combined with the youth of the Spanish branch and her branch President let her go. He knew she didn’t pay tithing.) I was even more broken hearted after learning that. How was this fair? Different rules for different girls for the same temple outing?
I remember being so ashamed and humiliated that I resolved then and there to always be “worthy” of a temple recommend. The thing is, I was a kid who never did anything wrong. I was as good as gold. (I can say that now that I’ve raised 3 kids. I was an easy, EASY kid. Losing track of my tithing for one month is about the worst thing I ever did.)
Back in the ‘old days,’ youth only went once a year to the temple. It was loads of fun to drive into Los Angeles once a year with the YW. We always went out to eat afterwards at some fun LA restaurant. Did my one month of missed tithing make me so unworthy that I had to wait another year to attend?
I have to admit that I look back now and think my bishop made the wrong decision. He should have shown that little girl some mercy. I’m no worse for the wear now, it’s water under the bridge, but it’s always bothered me—the inequitable way in which rules are applied by different bishops.
I hope the complex feelings Susan and I have around worthiness came through loud and clear on Episode 70.
Thanks for all your comments, emails, and private messages surrounding worthiness. You’ve all validated my complex feelings and given me even MORE to chew on. Susan and I always say that we don’t offer any answers, but we can sure discuss our complex feelings! That’s where I am with worthiness–I don’t have any answers, just a wish list of ‘hopes for the future.’
— Cynthia
“You can get excited about the future. The past won’t mind.”
― Hillary DePiano
It’s the most wonderful time of the year,
…as opposed to January, which ain’t that great.
So in an effort to improve the dark cold weeks ahead, we’ve scheduled our first Ladies’ Night In of the new year!
ALSSI Ladies’ Night In
Thursday, January 6
7:00 pm Mountain
Link: https://meet.google.com/dgt-hyvq-xec
Bring your thoughts, experiences, and questions around Worthiness to share with each other. Wear your yoga pants! Let your half-undecorated tree be right there in the background! Don’t even comb your hair, if you don’t want to! Eat straight out of the last tub of cookies while we talk!
We don’t care—we just want to have a chance to see each other, lift each other, and be reminded there are other women out there thinking about the same stuff we’re thinking about. We hope you’ll join us.
“Be like a tree. Stay grounded. Connect with your roots. Turn over a new leaf. Bend before you break. Enjoy your unique natural beauty. Keep growing.”
— Joanne Raptis
In case you hadn’t guessed…
The transcript included in this edition of our newsletter is from Episode 70,
What About Worthiness? You can find it by clicking here.
ALSSI listeners contribute so much to the conversation—
“ […] And don’t even get me started on the combination of ideas with exactness and worthiness. If I could blow one false teaching out of the water in Mormonism it would be that ‘the spirit can not strive with you if you are not WORTHY.’ Nope. God’s love is not earned, it’s there…always. Christ’s grace and atonement are on tap anytime anywhere. And like a parent, I reach out to help my children no matter what, and even more so if they are struggling. I don’t recoil, I don’t withhold, I don’t wait for my kids to be worthy and then help out. I’m there for the good, the bad, and sure as hell for the absolutely ugly. I don’t see the Godhead or spirit any differently than I see my own role. Worthy? What is that? My round peg is never going in the square hole of worthy.”
— @cravephotography on IG
"[…] I’ve been thinking about that word a lot too and creating some space between me and it has been the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.”
— @ldswomensvoices on IG
“Listening to that bit from Brene Brown I jotted down ‘We think we have to create our worth in order to be worthy of love and belonging, when all we need to do is uncover our worth. We are already loved. We already belong. We don't have to BECOME worthy, it is what we ARE.’"
— Anne on Fb
If anyone is thinking we’re assigning some kind of crazy definition to worthiness that no one at church intends when they use the word—
“Sometimes I turn to the dictionary from Joseph Smith’s time. I’m not sure it helps but here it is.
1828 dictionary definition:
Desert
Merit
Excellence
Dignity
Virtue
Worth
Quality or state of deserving (hate that last definition)
— Kim on Fb
“I’m kind of breathing like I’ve just had a punch in the gut. To hear someone else articulate EXACTLY my experience in the church is a new experience. To be validated leaves me breathless…”
— Lyric on our website
And now for some BIG news:
We’ve wondered how this project might grow. At this point, it feels like the next right thing to do is…a live event!
So—
Save the date: Saturday, March 12, 2022
We don’t know exactly what it will look like yet, but we do know it’ll be in the Phoenix area, it’ll have some great speakers (did someone say C.A. Larson? for starters…)
And best of all—you won’t need a parka!
In the meantime, we’re hoping to hire someone to help us coordinate it. If you like to plan parties, you live in AZ, you could use a few extra bucks, and you love the ALSSI community, we’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at atlastshesaidit.org, or send us a message on Facebook or Instagram.
Who knows? If Phoenix in March is good, Utah in the fall is pretty lovely too…
“Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.”
—Robin Sharma
Okay…cake time!
Although Cynthia and I both make this cake, she takes real pictures of it (and everything else), while I barely remember to grab my phone before I put the first bite in my mouth. Sorry about that. But when a cake is so good, who cares what the picture looks like?
This is an old-fashioned pudding cake—there used to be a Betty Crocker mix for it, and if you remember that, I’m sorry to inform you: you may be old-ish. (There was a lemon version I loved.)
I came across this recipe about 30 years ago and have been making it ever since—always in December, because it gives me another excuse to eat my favorite peppermint ice cream. I like the kind that is actually vanilla ice cream with peppermint candies in it, as opposed to the too-strong but more readily available peppermint flavored ice cream. Even ice cream can be complicated.
In case you haven’t had enough desserts yet this month, here’s the sorta-strange but very easy recipe:
Susan's Favorite Hot Fudge Pudding Cake
1-1/4 cups sugar, divided
1 cup flour
7 Tbsp cocoa, divided
2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup butter, melted
1+1/2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1+1/4 cups hot water
Heat oven to 350°. Combine 3/4 cup sugar, flour, 3 Tbsp. cocoa, baking powder and salt. Blend in milk, butter and vanilla; beat until smooth. Pour batter in 8 or 9" square pan. In small bowl, combine remaining 1/2 cup sugar, brown sugar, and remaining 4 Tbsp cocoa. Mix well. Sprinkle mixture evenly over batter (mixture will look like sand). Pour hot water over top; do not stir. Bake 40 minutes or until center is almost set. Let stand 15 minutes. Spoon into dishes, top with whipped cream or ice cream…or maybe this is a time to practice both/and?
— Susan
“What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t even happened yet.”
— Anne Frank
And finally —
Though 2021 wasn’t quite the year many of us hoped for after the difficulties of 2020, it was a great year to be part of the At Last She Said It community. Thank you for showing up for us—and for each other—with empathy, understanding, and love. Can’t wait to see where it all goes next. Wishing you all the best this month, from our homes to yours.
— Cynthia and Susan