Say More: At Last She Writes It

No. 13 | April 2024

About Women’s Silence and About Women’s Voices

by Anonymous

My first panic attack was during an endowment session

in the Salt Lake temple. I was a young mother and had left my baby with a neighbor to obey my stake president’s requirement to attend the temple each month.

A second panic attack ensued when I served as ward organist in a new ward. My three young children sat alone on the bench while my husband was out-of-town on business. 

A third bout with horrific depression occurred when I served as Relief Society president and the bishop routinely abused sisters in the ward, yelling at some and lecturing others. I found one sister in tears when after major surgery, a miscarriage, and an upcoming move, the bishop chided her that she should stop feeling sorry for herself. The bishop silenced any voices that asked him to show kindness, including mine. I was released.

When I served as stake Relief Society president while my husband served in four—yes four—stake positions, I depended on my pre-teen daughter to tend my three younger children while I attended many required stake meetings. Depression again overwhelmed me. I was ignored when I asked that my husband be released to help me. My suppressed voice endangered my physical and mental health. I again asked to be released.

My worst experience with voicelessness occurred when my husband served as a branch president for a large retirement facility. We routinely received calls where residents needed a blessing—often from the hospital—and when my husband traveled (which he often did), I referred the calls to his counselors, who refused to help. If I could have given a blessing to these desperate folks, the problem would have easily been solved, but of course, that is no longer possible for women.

When I became overwhelmed with suicidal ideation, I visited a therapist, unaware of why I was suffering. The therapist called my husband and told him to ask for a release, which solved my mental health issue.

---

Although the Church has made small changes to appear more inclusive—such as allowing women to serve as baptismal witnesses—in reality, women have no voice in the Church. None.

---

I have paid heavily for my silence in the Church. I have suffered greatly when my voice has been ignored and silenced. I—and many women in the Church—are marginalized as we are excluded from councils in the Church that make decisions about leadership callings, finances, and doctrinal and policy decisions. Although women are expected to carry heavy volunteer responsibilities in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, they must follow male decisions on every level of it.