Say More: At Last She Writes It

No. 20 | July 2024

The Pros and Cons of Missionary Service

by Michelle Bulsiewicz

The other day a memory popped up on Facebook

and I found myself scrolling through mission photos from when I came home twelve years ago. As I clicked through dozens of images—this is back when posting an entire album of pictures to social media was a thing—it brought up a range of emotions that I hadn’t dwelled on in some time.

As my faith has transitioned, so have my feelings about my mission to northeast Brazil. I have so many fond memories. I met so many wonderful people. I learned so much. But there’s also so much I regret. From almost the moment I came home I was plagued with feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Looking back, I can see how much it harmed my mental health, even as if changed me for the better in so many ways.

Like everything else, it’s complicated.

I wanted to go on a mission my whole life. Both my mom and maternal grandmother had served missions, and I wanted to be like them. Also, I was something of a born feminist and I hated that boys were expected to go but girls were just supposed to get married. I wanted to prove that I could do it too. I wanted God to be able to expect of me just as much as he could of any young man.

After experiencing the incredible difficulties that come with mission service, I almost immediately changed my tune once I came home. Now, I don’t think anyone should be required to go, boys or girls. It’s way too much to force on anyone who isn’t thrilled out of their minds to be there. Only one hundred percent enthusiasm and certainty of purpose can get anyone through the trials of that kind of experience.

I would like to preface everything else I’m going to say by stating that this reflects the circumstances of the time and place of my mission and my experiences in it. Not everyone will feel the same, not even people I served with.

With that said, here’s a list of the pros and cons of my missionary service: