Episode 93: How To Be a Smart Mouth
How we communicate with other Church members can be as important as what we’re trying to say. Women are at a disadvantage with less freedom and opportunity to speak truth to those in authority. Even when we do get the floor, sometimes things as innocuous as pitch, accent, and personal style determine whether we’re listened to or dismissed. Our own perceived lack of power can have an impact too. In this conversation, Cynthia and Susan discuss their ideas and experiences around LDS women speaking up in ways that will be heard.
Notes & Quotes:
Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, by Soraya Chemaly
Latter-day Saint women’s leader discusses how to deal with dismissive male authorities, Salt Lake Tribune, by Peggy Fletcher Stack, 05/03/2019
On Lies, Secrets, and Silence: Selected Prose, 1966-1978, by Adrienne Rich
Are Gender Differences Just Power Differences in Disguise? Columbia Business School website, by Adam Galinsky, 04/13/2018
Women less likely to get their ideas endorsed at work than men, Yahoo! Finance UK, by Lydia Smith, 04/01/2021
These Black students at BYU are using TikTok to document attitudes in the LDS Church, Salt Lake Tribune, by Courtney Tanner, 05/02/2022
“The famed American novelist Henry James described women’s, ‘thin nasal tones,’ their ‘twangs, whiffles, snuffles, whines, and whinnies,’ sentiments echoed by Rush Limbaugh when he referred to Hillary Clinton as ‘a screeching ex-wife.’ During the entire 2016 presidential campaign, while her male counterparts boomed, swaggered, and diatribed to accolades, the former US senator and secretary of state was criticized for being ‘shrill,’ ‘inauthentic’ (if she was quiet and calm), and for ‘shouting’ (if she used her voice clearly, loudly, and confidently). ‘Angry’ is a common addition to condescending and sexist stereotypes like these, used to further dismiss women.” —Soraya Chemaly
“Jean Bingham (RS President) ‘discovered it was a style-and-personality issue and if she prayed for him, worked to understand him, and found better ways of expressing herself, the exchanges improved. ‘We women tend to be shrill or demanding or stubborn, thinking we have the best idea ever,’ Bingham said to audience laughter, ‘and if they don’t see it our way, clearly there’s a problem here.’ She suggested women look inside themselves for the solution.” —Peggy Fletcher Stack
“The specter of this kind of male judgment, along with the misnaming and thwarting of her needs by a culture controlled by males, has created problems for the woman writer: problems of contact with herself, problems of language and style, problems of energy and survival. In rereading Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own (1929) for the first time in some years, I was astonished at the sense of effort, of pains taken, of dogged tentativeness, in the tone of that essay. And I recognized that tone. I had heard it often enough, in myself and in other women. It is the tone of a woman almost in touch with her anger, who is determined not to appear angry, who is willing herself to be calm, detached, and even charming in a roomful of men where things have been said which are attacks on her very integrity. Virginia Woolf is addressing an audience of women, but she is acutely conscious—as she always was—of being overheard by men: […] But to a lesser or greater extent, every woman writer has written for men even when, like Virginia Woolf, she was supposed to be addressing women. If we have come to the point when this balance might begin to change, when women can stop being haunted, not only by ‘convention and propriety’ but by internalized fears of being and saying themselves, then it is an extraordinary moment for the woman writer—and reader.” —Adrienne Rich
“When you have lots of power, you have a wide range of acceptable behavior, a lot of leeway in what you can say and do. But when you lack power, your range of acceptable behavior narrows. I’ve documented across hundreds of studies that power has psychological effects. And one of the things it does is change the range of acceptable behavior that we allow ourselves in our own minds. Our power, however, also affects the range that other people allow us. Across all of these studies, one of the most interesting things that we’ve discovered is that a lot of gender differences can be reproduced by manipulating people’s sense of power.” —Adam Galinsky
“The appropriation of women’s ideas and overlooking of their achievements is nothing new. It happened to Frankenstein author Mary Shelley in the 1800s. After her husband wrote the preface, it was widely assumed he was behind the novel. It also happened to mathematician Ada Lovelace, now widely known as the first computer programmer for writing an algorithm for a computing machine in the mid-1800s. And Neil Armstrong’s “one small step for man” may not have happened without Katherine Johnson, who performed the NASA calculations that made possible the manned space missions of the early 1960s as well as the 1969 moon landing.” —Lydia Smith
“Like Virginia Woolf, I am aware of the women who are not with us here because they are washing the dishes and looking after the children. Nearly fifty years after she spoke, that fact remains largely unchanged. And I am thinking also of women whom she left out of the picture altogether—women who are washing other people’s dishes and caring for other people’s children, not to mention women who went on the streets last night in order to feed their children. We seem to be special women here, we have liked to think of ourselves as special, and we have known that men would tolerate, even romanticize us as special, as long as our words and actions didn’t threaten their privilege of tolerating or rejecting us and our work according to their ideas of what a special woman ought to be.” —Adrienne Rich
“We are so busy teaching girls to be likeable that we often forget to teach them, as we do boys, that they should be respected.” —Soraya Chemaly