Episode 202 (Transcript): Who Deserves to Hear My Story?

Episode Transcript

Many thanks to listener, Caitlyn Hardy, for her work in transcribing this episode!

This episode can be found on any podcast app, or can be listened to here on Substack. All the notes and resources we cited are found at this link as well:

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SH: Hi, I'm Susan Hinckley.

CW: And I am Cynthia Winward.

SH: And this is At Last She Said It. We are women of faith discussing complicated things. And the title of today's episode is, “Who Deserves to Hear My Story?” This is a question that we get from listeners a lot is: how do they know when they should tell what's going on with them and who should they tell?

And so we kind of wanted to talk about it today because it's pretty important. When things start getting shifty in your life it can feel so destabilizing that it's, you're looking for something solid to grab onto. It's like when you're in an earthquake and you want to hit the ground and just hold on.

It feels like that sometimes when things start moving around. So, that's what we're going to talk about today.

CW: Well, as someone who grew up in earthquake country, we were always taught: get in a stable doorway and hold tight.

SH: Right. RIght.

CW: So I feel like that's what women are trying to do. They're trying to grab onto something that's really firm and hold on and sometimes they think that will happen telling their story and it does with the right people, but also….

SH: It's hard to know where the doorframes are though.

CW: Oh, there you go.

SH: Who's a door frame and who isn't? That's really hard to know sometimes.

CW: Good metaphor, yeah. Well, before we jump in, can we just both beg our audience to please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify? Social media is not what it used to be. The algorithms have really changed and we're still trying to grow this podcast, Susan.

SH: Right.

CW: And so from what I have researched and found, reviews on the podcast platforms is the best way for other people to find us.

And as of right now, pretty much Apple Podcasts and Spotify are like the two places where people can leave a review. So if you have both, that would be great. If you only have one of those, that would be great. We'll take anything. You don't even have to write words. Just hit the little five stars and we would be muy grateful.

SH: Right, exactly.

CW: Thank you. All right. So: who deserves to hear my story? I think the irony is for me, as I've kind of chewed on that question all week is that the more public I have become with this microphone, the more private I have actually become like in my neighborhood, in my ward, depending on the family members I'm spending time with, I don't say a thing.

And I used to share way more. In comments in church, in testimony meeting, in different talks, I would kind of talk about what it feels like to be, for lack of a better phrase, like, a “progressive LDS person.” And I did this because I wanted to feel understood. And I also wanted to throw a lifeline to similar saints like myself.

SH: Sure.

CW: I wanted to be authentically me and all those things are still true. And, I have come to deeply respect that my own journey, which is a sacred journey, I think, so much, I respect it so much so, that I would rather be misunderstood than have my thoughts and beliefs…can I say my pearls…trampled?

SH: Yes.

CW: I love the scripture, “don't cast your pearls before swine,” but I don't want to call anyone swine here. That's kind of a harsh one, but I will, I do, the phrase of about “my pearls.” So I don't want my pearls trampled anymore.

SH: Yeah, I don't, I understand that.

CW: So anyway, after 10 years of doing all this hard, hard work, I kind of, I'm going to use that phrase for a sec. In the church we say, “it's sacred, not secret.”

Well, that's me. My journey is sacred. It is not a secret. If people want to invest the time to understand me, they can listen to this podcast. Most won't; most don't. And that's fine. That's really fine, but I'm done hustling for my worth and I'm done trying to prove anything. So. That's kind of [00:05:00] what this episode is about today.

And I hope that we can both share cause we're so different, Susan.

SH: Oh yeah. Definitely.

CW: I think this is a good episode for two very different Latter-day Saint women to share our stories and maybe toss a little bit of a lifeline to other women to help them maybe self-examine that question of who deserves to hear their story for themselves.

So, and I do that we put “deserve” in that title. Who deserves to hear my story? I think it's the right word because I think it has to be earned. And we'll get into that.

SH: It’s a privilege, in other words.

CW: Of course.

SH: It's a privilege to get to hear someone's story. So you need to be a trustworthy person.

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CW: Yeah.

SH: And if you're not, then you don't deserve to be shared with. I'm going to go straight there.

CW: Go straight there please.

SH: Yeah, I, we are very different and yet in this thing we are the same. I also would say that I say much less than I used to. So maybe that's something, maybe that's something about I share so much on the mic that that's enough sharing for me, if you see what I mean, I feel like I am well-shared and I don't need to say anything else in my own time, but I've had the same experience.

It's interesting, Cynthia, you and I have been in this space for a long time starting out in online support and watching people kind of step into this process. And sometimes when I see this happen for people, I see them move into this space and then I feel so protective of them.

CW: Same.

SH: I know how vulnerable and how hard and scary all of that can feel and it's sort of, I feel like it's watching your kid run out in traffic, right? Because people show up and they say, I want to make an appointment to talk to my bishop this Sunday. Explain everything to him, right? Or whatever it is, whatever they're feeling compelled to do.

And I just want to grab them and pull them back on the curb. That's how I feel about it sometimes because it just doesn't always go well. It doesn't always go well.

CW: I think mostly it doesn't go well.

SH: I haven't really thought about it enough, I guess, to really decide what percentage of time, I feel like I get a good report on that or not, but there have been enough bad reports that I know it just, it, it isn't always a safe thing to do.

The people that you feel compelled to share with and the reasons that you feel compelled to do it, I think there is something in those relationships that makes them a little more high-risk, high-reward, I guess. It's going to be someone like your bishop, your parents, your spouse, right? These are supercharged relationships already, or can be.

And so you're going to share big things. And that means that there might be repercussions.

CW: Big things, big consequences.

SH: Exactly.

CW: Or rather maybe big relationships, big consequences.

SH: Exactly.

CW: I don't know.