ALSSI Newsletter
Late Summer 2023
First, let’s get right to the headline:
Summer may be almost over, but another growing season’s just about to begin here as we prep for At Last She Said It’s 7th season of podcasts! Our first episode will drop Tuesday, September 5. Ideas and snatches of conversation have flown back and forth via text all summer, and we can’t wait to explore them with each other—and with you—in more depth at last. Please join us!
Now on with the newsletter:
“The child had never known, the girl was never sure, the woman the longer she was herself, was least of all certain.” — Margaret Wise Brown
These words, from one of my favorite writers, feel like catching sight of myself in a mirror.
Because my faith journey has not been about losing certainty, it’s been about finally getting comfortable with never having any. But as a Latter-day Saint woman, accepting that my unknowing place could be an okay place was a big leap.
I’d heard words of certainty at church all my life. I’d heard the testimonies of People Who Know. I’d heard what it means to be a good Child of God declared in such absolute terms, it really did feel like all the thinking had been done for everyone. Like my best chance for personal peace would be to just stop engaging any questions at all.
I’d been biding my time that way for decades, giving myself what amounted to spiritual sleeping pills every Sunday just to get through the block, when one day I decided to start talking about my struggle—which at that point meant my dissatisfaction, distrust, unease, and what I assumed was spiritual inadequacy—out loud. It was like turning my life into a recovery meeting where I started every conversation with, “I’m Susan, and I’m a defective Mormon.”
But that’s when things started to change. Almost immediately, I found out I wasn’t alone.
I found out I didn’t actually want or need spiritual sleeping pills. I wanted to be fully awake to my own faith life, engaging in all my questions and making all my choices. I found I could ease anxiety by becoming more hands-on, by reframing the wrestle as spiritual work and believing my approach to it was as worthwhile as anyone’s.
Reading with my own eyes, I found a Jesus who didn’t always appear to be teaching what I’d thought he was.
Using my own voice, I found my prayers needed no bounds. I found God, scripture, prophets—words I’d defined one way my whole life—could actually mean more than I thought.
As things continued to change, I could see how the way to wisdom must lie through complexity, not around it. When I wasn’t sure I’d ever come out the other side, I practiced waiting, and when I say practiced, I mean that. Sue Monk Kidd wrote, “Waiting is the missing link in the transformation process.” That made sense, but I’d never thought about waiting having its own value before. I took her at her word and got comfortable with waiting to know what, if anything, I should do next, and when to do it.
It required practice to learn to trust myself with my own spiritual wellbeing. To ask myself and ask God, then just wait until one of us came through with an answer.
When I felt prompted to start talking, I’m glad I listened. Who knew something so scary would be the unexpected path to my own peace? I think heeding that prompting was actually my first big lesson in taking spiritual authority for myself.
I’m blown away by the power of putting experience in words. I’ve learned being able to say what we need to say and hear other women speak their truths makes space, clears air, and enlarges our vision. Saying things out loud changes us. The women of this church know more, think more, believe more, have experienced more, and want more than many of us have been letting on, and the collective silence is something completely within our power to change. Together we’re sitting on an incredible stockpile of our selves, an untold wealth of words! Imagine what might happen if we decide—at last—to raise our voices and let them flow.
— Susan
“Living in the tension of what we know and don’t know about others, ourselves, and the Gods is how we grow.”
— Kathryn Knight Sonntag
Next up:
Ladies’ Lunch In
Wednesday, August 30
12:00 pm Mountain
Click here to register and receive the meeting link by email
Come enjoy chatting about our summer rerun episodes, or anything else you’d like to discuss with a group of women who are all ears and ready to trade wisdom! We look forward to seeing you.
Speaking of things to look forward to:
Say More is coming soon!
You may have already heard, in an effort to amplify even more women’s voices we’re launching a new newsletter. Hosted here on Substack and arriving in your inbox just like this one, Say More will contain writing by, for, and about women in the ALSSI community. More voices, more experiences, more ideas…all of which means more support for the personal journeys of LDS women!
We’re excited about the list of writers signed up to contribute—if you may be interested but haven’t emailed us to say so, please do and we’ll send you our editorial guidelines and submission info.
If you already receive this free newsletter, why should you switch to a paid subscription now?
Because you value the conversations happening in our spaces online and on our podcast
Because you want to learn about the experiences of more women, and want more safe space to share your own
Because you’ll receive Say More the minute we start publishing
Because you want access to all the new content, including subscriber chats with Cynthia and Susan
Because you want to support this project—a paid subscription is another way to donate, and you’ll receive more than just our thanks in return for your generosity! If you’re already an ALSSI monthly donor, we can’t thank you enough. You’ve made this project possible! We hope you’ll consider converting your monthly donation to a paid subscription to have access to everything we publish here.
“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.”
— Pema Chodron
…and now, some reminders of what we’re all doing for each other at ALSSI!
“Because Women Must Say What’s On Their Minds & Be Heard.”
— Dana
“Thank you so much for all the work you do to highlight all the different experiences of women in TCOJCOLDS. I have learned a lot, I’ve felt validated, and I’ve had my heart and mind opened.”
—A. Monson
“Your voices are a vital part of elevating so many core thoughts and feelings that NEED space. Thank you so so so much for making a safe space for wherever a woman is in her faith journey. I love that I can share your words with my faithful friends and family and know it comes from an authentic, hopeful place that I think is accessible to all of us no matter where we are faith wise.”
—Jessi
“This is part of my healing journey. I want to support women who are using their voices in ways that echo my deepest yearnings and address my deepest wounds. Thank you!”
—Julie
“I LOVE these ladies, they gave me a lifeline when I was desperately seeking comfort and community when I didn’t think there was any. They have opened up not just so many interesting topics for me to consider, but the huge community of listeners coming together feel like my friends from a distance now. I feel so seen and understood…”
—Afton
Lastly —
We do like to end these letters on a sweet note. Thanks for your ongoing support! Whenever you show up with your voice in one of our ALSSI spaces—a discussion group, a comment, a review, a voicemail at the end of a podcast episode—whether you know it or not, there’s a good possibility you’re keeping someone else afloat. It’s just ministering, isn’t it? We don’t need a different word—it’s what this whole thing’s about. So thank you, dear listeners, for helping us all help each other.
— Cynthia, Susan
& the ALSSI Team