ALSSI Newsletter
February 2024
Hello!
Great news—we’ve almost survived February! Even leap year can’t stop us now … okay, it’s going to slow us down a little, but only for one day! Meanwhile, we have time to squeeze in a last winter newsletter. Today’s message comes from Susan:
My local Target store is making me mad. Admittedly,
I spend a lot more time and money at Target than anyone should, but that’s my MN roots showing—they may as well issue you a redcard with your driver’s license. Anyway, a few weeks ago they cordoned off their self checkout lanes. After a few days of being annoyed, I inquired politely, and the explanation given was a desire for more face-to-face contact with customers. So from now on, they’re only offering self checkout in the afternoon.
But I’m a morning shopper! I’m also an introvert, whose dead-last shopping priority is more face-to-face contact with anyone. Not only that, I never used to wait at my Target. But they’ve only got two checkers on a good day, so now I’m always waiting. In the past few weeks, I notice my blood pressure going up as I walk through the door.
I could get my groceries someplace else, but I love shopping here. I’m attached to specific brands and products. After so many years in the midwest, Target feels like home to me.
I. Want. My. Self. Checkout.
“Susan,” you might say. “What is your problem? No one should possibly care so much about this.” You’d be right—I said it to myself in the parking lot just this morning. So I sat there for a minute thinking, trying to put my finger on exactly what it is that makes me so itchy about this change. ←I’m pretty sure that word right there is a clue: it’s a Change. And while we’re on annoying C words, I think we can safely point to the biggest of them all: Control.
I like to bag my own groceries. First, I don’t need anyone giving the side-eye to what’s in my basket (yes, I still eat Cap’n Crunch. I also buy underwear at Target. Not my only questionable life choices, just so you know).
Also, don’t put my light bulbs under 5 lbs of flour. I don’t want my bread, bananas, or eggs in with canned goods. I want the weight distributed evenly. I want cold stuff together. I know what makes sense for how I’m going to carry these groceries to my car and put them away when I get home.
I admit, all my rules come down to one obvious truth: I like things MY way.
Richard Rohr says, “I would define suffering very simply as ‘whenever you are not in control.’” I nominate this statement for the shortlist of most-insightful-things RR has ever said, and he’s said some insightful things! This one’s just solid gold, imo. Because even having to cede control of my own groceries is apparently very difficult for me.
I’m telling you this in the ALSSI newsletter because it explains a lot about why I’ve chafed so much in my church life: I have never once—not one time—felt truly in charge as a Latter-day Saint woman. I’ve never had things my way. It’s not an exaggeration to say that at church, someone even prescribes what I should say and how to say it: pray using these words, be sure you say this in your testimony, sing only these songs, quote only these voices.
I was 59 years old before I gave myself permission to wear pants to church … for crying out loud! I still instinctively tuck my cross inside my shirt before I zoom with my siblings, even though I wore it to teach RS just last Sunday. There are all kinds of subtle rules of engagement—it’s like running the gauntlet on tiptoe, a kind of church “step on a crack, break your mother’s back,” but with very real consequences. (Not just for your mother, but let’s be honest: she can matter a lot.)
I’ve never felt like I could question leaders’ decisions, or tell everyone that just coming through the doors I sometimes feel my blood pressure go up.
Even as a leader myself, I never had true decision-making authority in any calling.
Now there will be people who would argue, “Well, you always have a choice … no one makes you participate,” but I’d push back on that and say there are so many factors involved in an individual’s development and circumstances, we may not always have as much ‘free choice’ in our decisions as we think we do.
Cynthia and I continue to be surprised by the number of women we interact with who don’t feel like they’re ‘allowed’ to do things—really basic things, like read what they want, wear what they want, or say yes or no if they want. Or talk to God like they want to. Or speak what’s on their minds and hearts to the people in their wards and neighborhoods, around their dinner tables … even in their bedrooms.
They haven’t given themselves permission, but why am I surprised? One thing I know from my own lifetime spent tiptoeing over cracks is that our reticence in even small things is tied to big reasons.
A Latter-day Saint woman’s life can be complicated, and we’re each traveling an individual path—walking our own direction at our own speed carrying our own stuff: likes and dislikes, needs and disappointments, histories and hopes. Walking alongside all of you, each on our own path, has been the most empowering thing I’ve ever done. I feel seen and heard for the first time. We validate each other forward. It’s a paradox: ceding control of some things (like where this path will take me) has helped me feel more power in others (like my own spiritual life).
In her new book, Field Notes for the Wilderness: Practices for an Evolving Faith, Sarah Bessey writes,
“Your faith isn’t going to be a dusty antique, held behind glass, a monument to who you used to be. It’s dynamic and evolving, changing in fits and starts and mistakes and glory because faith is somehow so human.
I know you have an idea of how this ends: you don’t, not really.
I know you have a preference for how this journey unfolds: you will be surprised.
I know you have a long list of things that you can’t imagine questioning or changing or releasing: eventually you will.
I know you want some control precisely because you feel so out of control: now you’re learning the difference between agency and control.
I know you feel like the old version of you is dying: you’re being born again.”
I’ll never have control of the policies at my church or my grocery store, even if I have agency over what I put in my basket, how I carry it home and use it. I do suffer with having to cede control, in big and small things! But I’ve learned I can have my spiritual life MY way, and discovering that particular bit of agency really has felt like being born again.
—Susan
“I give you this to take with you: Nothing remains as it was. If you know this, you can begin again, with pure joy in the uprooting.”
― Judith Minty
Meanwhile, sometimes things are even better than we hope they’ll be—
Exhibit A: our first At Last She Read It book club meeting! Our thanks to Shaless Parker and Lindsie Cornia for putting this together. We’re so excited for future discussions! If you have questions about the book club, please email Shaless and Lindsie at atlastshereadit@gmail.com.
Here’s the 2024 schedule:
While we’re on the subject of exceeding expectations:
Our Substack chat feature is up and running…and you, dear listeners, are running with it! There are amazing discussions happening there all the time. If you haven’t participated yet, we hope you will. It’s a great place to find support!
Our Friday Live Chats are continuing, despite the podcast being on break. Look for them Friday mornings from 10-12 mtn—find them in the Substack app, or click on chat in the menu bar at the top of our Substack page. There’s a strong community forming there—and the conversations are only going to keep getting better as we get more comfortable with each other! (We’ve actually had women tell us they set their alarms for Friday mornings now so they won’t forget…see? Better than we ever imagined!)
Speaking of being on break …
It’s juuust possible we didn’t say enough about it at the end of this past season. Sorry about that! We’ve overheard some of you looking for the the podcast on Tuesday mornings and wondering what happened. Just so we’re clear, our seasons run about 20 weeks on and 8 weeks off, give or take.
So yes, ALSSI the podcast is on break until mid-April (don’t worry, we won’t let you accidentally sleep through the beginning of Season 8). In the meantime, ALSSI the community never sleeps!
On our social media, we hope you’re enjoying #classicALSSI content, curated by Tiffany. On Substack, look for Say More 2x/month in your inbox, curated by Blakelee. And Katie is keeping our email moving. Our huge appreciation to all 3—we couldn’t function without them!
Also, many thanks to all of you who are writing for Say More, sharing our content or spreading the word to friends and family, and supporting each other in online discussions. There’d be no ALSSI without everyone who shows up!
So…while everyone’s busy helping, what are Cynthia and Susan doing?
a) Planning for Season 8
b) Working on a top-secret project
c) Having meetings about stuff (like how to make our website better, what voicemail episodes we need to get busy on, and how to make our Fall Gathering better than ever this year…)
d) All of the above
Honestly, we’ve got so many irons in the fire right now, it hardly feels like a break at all. But the podcast is always our top priority, and we’re looking forward to hitting record again in just a few weeks!
“Sometimes to live again, we have to let ourselves die completely. We have to let ourselves become completely, utterly new. When grief rings, surrender. There is nothing else to do. The delivery is utter transformation.”
― Glennon Doyle
A little more about Say More:
We all had one—and the day we “celebrate” mothers can definitely be complicated on all sides! So we’re planning a special issue of Say More. We’d love to include something from you! Send your poems, reflections, essays, stories, art, etc. to atlastshewritesit@gmail.com
Now—since we still have one day of February to get through,
We should have a recipe! I mean, just the picture might keep us alive until spring!
Cynthia’s I’ve-Been-Making-These-a-Lot-Lately
Blueberry Scones
2 c flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 c sugar
1 Tbsp baking powder
6 Tbsp cold butter, cut in pieces
1 c blueberries
2 large eggs, beaten
1/4 c yogurt, plain or flavored (vanilla is good)
1 tsp vanilla
1 Tbsp grated lemon zest, or 1/4 tsp lemon oil
1/2 tsp almond extract
2 Tbsp coarse sugar, for sprinkling on top
Preheat oven to 375°. Lightly grease a baking sheet, or line with parchment. Whisk the dry ingredients in a bowl. Add the butter and work it into the dry ingredients until the mixture is unevenly crumbly. Gently mix the blueberries with the dry ingredients.
Stir together the eggs, yogurt, vanilla extract, lemon zest/oil, and almond extract. Add to the dry ingredients and stir very gently, just until combined. The dough is more moist than traditional scone dough; it should be soft and scoopable, like cookie dough.
Scoop the dough onto the prepared sheet in scant 1/4-cupfuls, leaving about 2" between each. Or lazily smoosh all the dough into a greased scone pan like Cynthia always does. Brush each scone with a bit of milk or cream; sprinkle with turbinado sugar (as seen in photo) or regular sugar. Bake for 20 to 24 minutes, until lightly browned or until a toothpick inserted comes out dry. Remove from the oven, and serve warm. Reheat, wrapped loosely in foil, in a preheated 350°F oven for about 8 to 10 minutes.
That’s it!
Thanks to everyone who responded when we asked for ideas for our next season. Watch for prompts on social media as we begin to gather women’s voices for upcoming episodes. We’ll want to hear from you and share your stories!
And as always, thanks for all the ways you show up for this community. When one woman gets rained on, it seems another is always standing close by with an umbrella at the ready. Ministering, by any name, is taking care of each other, and that’s where this community really shines. We’re truly humbled by the support that happens here.
Next stop, March. Hooray…see you there!
With love,
Cynthia, Susan
& the ALSSI Team
I value all you've written. I would say that even in highly regulated meetings, we have control over how we approach the Savior and how we reach out to our fellow worshippers. 🤗
I just want to say that I would also be so mad if my Target shut down self checkout.
And I love the Sarah Bessey quote that there's a difference between agency and control. 🤯