ALSSI Newsletter
November/December 2023
The only true gift is a portion of thyself.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Once my kids became teens we had a rule that within our family, all our Christmas gifts to each other must be handmade. For weeks before the big day, the house brimmed with secrets—bedroom doors closed to conceal whatever mess and magic was happening inside. And the energy and anticipation did feel magical! Jewelry making, wood-burning, weaving, sewing, leatherwork, ceramics, glass-fusing—we all tried new things, and giving and receiving those precious, perfectly-imperfect gifts was the highlight of the year. Even the dog got handmade squeaky toys! We laughed, we cried, we surprised ourselves and each other over and over. For that one morning, we told our love in a different way: with our hearts, hands and whole imaginations. I still think that tradition was the best idea I ever had as a parent.
I tell you this because, for some of the same reasons, I think ALSSI is one of the best ideas I ever had (er…we ever had, because Cynthia, of course!) as an LDS woman. From the beginning we both knew we wanted to build a podcast around conversations grounded in our own experiences, not just because that’s our area of expertise, but because … that’s where the magic is.
I talk about my personal faith life in hopes of helping you locate yourself within your own. Maybe you’ve never thought about something, or maybe you’ve thought about it forever and never said it out loud. You may see yourself in what I describe, or not see yourself at all.
But in giving you my story, I’m offering a doorway to yours. That’s the best gift I know how to give.
Thank you for every story we get in return. Basically, this community has become one big year-round gift exchange! Actually, it’s even better than that: When a group of people gather in love and support, willing to give and receive true gifts of self…that’s church.
— Susan
“The Kingdom of God will be better with your voice, your hands, your experiences, your stories, your truth. You can go where I cannot go, and someone needs to hear you sing your song. You are someone’s invitation.”
—Sarah Bessey
Speaking of gifts, if you were at our November Ladies’ Lunch In…
you heard Blakelee deliver her version of the Barbie monologue. It’s a gift we didn’t want anyone to miss, so here it is:
The Barbie Monologue for the Deconstructed Housewife
It is literally impossible to be a woman. We are all so worthy and so loveable, and it kills me that none of us think we’re good enough. We have to always be extraordinary, but somehow, we’re always doing it wrong.
You have to constantly have a prayer in your heart, but only address God as “Heavenly Father.” There IS a divine feminine prototype, and she is equal to Heavenly Father, but she needs His protection. She’s a goddess with a delicate constitution. You should become like her, but no praying to her because it takes the attention away from the Father and the Son.
You should be a doer of the word, not a hearer only, but only do the bidding of white Jesus. Brown Jesus is too radical, too political, and way over the top. He offends people. White Jesus is much more palatable. You should hang pictures of Jesus on your walls, but absolutely no pictures of brown Jesus or rainbow Jesus.
You have to take care of yourself because your body is a temple, but there is an unspoken agreement that your temple really belongs to men. They have final say on what you wear, if you’re tempting them too much, if you’re wearing too much or too little makeup. You can have plastic surgery to have a flat stomach or bigger boobs, you can even darken your eyebrows. You can’t get tattoos because that’s changing your body TOO permanently and too many piercings make you unattractive. After all, the Lord looketh on the heart, but man looketh on the outward appearance.
“Men are that they might have joy.” It’s implied that you are supposed to be joyful too, but no loud laughter or speaking of the Lord’s anointed in vain. Never take time for yourself because it’s selfish to put yourself above your kids or your spouse. You should stay at home with the kids and take care of the household, but never think of it as a job. You can be successful outside the home, but not too successful. Being a mom is the most important thing you’ll ever do and the only success that truly matters. It’s all about having an eternal perspective.
You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is INSANE because you don’t even really have a seat at the table. If you do point out bad behavior, it’s because you are overly emotional or you are choosing to be offended. Just let things go because The Second Coming is happening any day now and Jesus will fix everything.
You have agency to choose but only choose the right. You are responsible for your own exaltation, but also the exaltation of your spouse and your children. You may be confused about why God placed all this responsibility on you, but don’t ask questions. Heavenly Father will clear it up in the afterlife, you just sit quietly and endure to the end.
You can never change your mind, never get out of the boat, never let go of the iron rod, never counsel with those who don’t believe, never feel fear, never doubt, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you any authority or says thank you. And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself in knots so that we can be called worthy. I just want to be myself, and I’m not even sure I know what that means.
— Blakelee
And Speaking of Ladies’ Lunch/Night In —
We won’t hold one in December…because holidays!
We will have our Live Friday Chats, however:
After the holidays, Friday Chats will resume January 5.
But!
Before we resume Ladies’ Lunches/Nights In, we’d like to gather a little more info from all of you. Would you be so kind as to fill out this survey for us? We’re trying to figure out the best ways to allocate ALSSI resources in 2024. Thank you in advance for your feedback!
“When we take off the masks, guess what? We will find that we are the opposite of what we thought—we are each other.”
—Maria Shriver
In the meantime —
We have an announcement!
At Last She Read It Book Club is coming!
The new ALSSI Book Club — At Last She Read It — will be meeting quarterly via Zoom, with the first meeting scheduled:
February 22
7:00 pm MST
Our first book will be Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr. Our book club is being planned and will be facilitated by volunteers, and we’ll let them introduce themselves as we get closer to the big day. Watch our social media and our website events page for registration details, coming after the holidays. Now’s a good time to put the book on your Christmas list (for yourself or your friends!) so you’re ready to go. We are so excited to read and discuss meaningful books together!
Now…what’s all this talk about a paywall??
It’s true. Beginning in January, we’re going to add a paywall to some of our Substack offerings. This newsletter will continue to come to all subscribers. Our new book club will also be free and open to all! But our Live Friday Chats will be going behind a paywall, and so will Say More, as well as registration for any LNI discussions. We’re asking for $7/mo. or $75/yr. (As another option, you can receive a paid subscription by submitting to Say More!)
But here’s the thing —
We’re happy to give away all the free subscriptions we can, and you don’t have to prove any kind of worthiness to get one. If you can’t subscribe now, just raise your hand by sending us an email and we’ll hook you up. No questions asked! We don’t want anyone to miss out on this community.
So why the paywall? Well, a couple of reasons. First, producing a podcast requires more than a mic, so we need help covering the costs associated with the ALSSI project. We hope everyone who participates here values the conversation that goes on and is willing to throw some financial support our way to keep it going. A paid subscription is just a donation with a few specific benefits.
But maybe more importantly, we’ve discovered that we love-LOVE Substack chats! Engaging here beats social media hands down as far as we’re concerned, allowing for deeper conversations in a more intimate space. If you haven’t checked out a Friday Chat yet, we hope you will so you can experience the difference.
Have questions about subscribing? Let us know and we’ll do our best to help!
Good Stuff Ahead!
In addition to our December Friday Chats, we have podcast episodes coming up about Patriarchal Blessings, another Embracing Your Journey interview, a fun peek behind the ALSSI mics, and another edition of We Don’t Believe Our Own Stuff (you’ll have to tune in to find out about what …) In addition, Say More No. 6 will land in your inbox December 14. We hope you can squeeze some of our content into your busy month, but don’t worry—everything will always be available, just waiting for you to sink into a chair and exhale with a cup of hot chocolate after the hustle is over!
Meanwhile, may all your end-of-year celebrations be happy! We’ll see you again here in January…and hope to see you everywhere else before then.
Thanks for all of it.
With love,
Cynthia, Susan,
& the ALSSI Team
Hi! I’ve been making a monthly donation since before substack. Should I stop donating the old way and begin subscribing through substack? Let me know how to proceed.