There’s a lot of pressure around missions in the Church. From the time they are very young, our children hear the clear expectation that they will serve. But the decision to serve, the realities of mission life, the possibility of returning home early, and the pressure to make big life decisions soon after a mission ends, can all weigh heavily on young Latter-day Saints and their families. “The reality of mission life both pre- and post-mission is hard!” says therapist Apple Lanman, who joins Cynthia and Susan for a discussion of some of the complexities—personal, family, cultural, and institutional—surrounding this celebrated rite of passage.
Notes & Quotes:
More Mormon missionaries are coming home early, study shows, by Jana Riess, Religion News Service, 10/1/2018
Brianna
Well, you ladies hit several massive points that I wasn’t entirely expecting, but your insights were all so good! And as Cynthia was talking about talking to her son about whether or not he wanted a big mission call opening party, I was immediately reminded of opening my own mission call about seven years ago – the pressure to put on a performance, to make a big deal out of it, is /such/ a real thing. I almost had to fight my family over the fact that I wanted to be alone when I first opened my call, and my family tried to persuade me otherwise countless times. But I’ve always been caught between being a pragmatist and a dreamer, and knew that if I wasn’t assigned to a particular area of the world, I’d really have to school my expression to not let on any of the initial disappointment I was going to feel. The day my call arrived and my sister came running into the house waving the envelope around, I literally grabbed the car keys, grabbed the envelope, and was driving away within thirty seconds, because I knew if I took any longer than that, I was going to have an audience. And the thought of having an audience, even of people I loved, for something that felt – and honestly really was – so momentous, something that I was going to have really big feelings about, made me so unspeakably anxious, because I have never liked to be around anyone who knows me when I’m dealing with such large and tumultuous emotions. I had no regrets about taking off and being by myself on temple grounds when I opened my call, because I got to do the initial emotional processing in the way I wanted, and was able to share part of the experience with my family while still firmly on my own terms. However, the pressure to make a big deal about it, to make it a larger family or community event rather than a personal one, was absolutely undeniable.
Kim
I wonder if there is a link between record numbers of missionaries coming home early and lowering the age of service for missionaries. Seems to me that there could be a correlation there.
Michelle
This episode brought back a lot of memories from my own mission. From opening my call letter to “returning with honor” but being a complete noob in the real world and having a huge struggle adjusting. As a Sister my experience of pressure to serve was completely non-existent, but the pressure to NOT serve was loud and clear. The first time I truly recognized the spirit communicating with me as youth was in regards to serving a mission. My Dad’s mission didn’t have any Sisters, but both my older brothers agreed that Sister missionaries were just “problems”. The young man I was dating swore a mission would “ruin me, and take all the fun out” of me. My Bishop made it very clear that I didn’t HAVE to serve and that I was perfectly capable of getting married. There was exactly 1 Sister RM in our ward, who told me that my companions would be my biggest trials in the mission (again, perpetuating the “problem Sister” mentality”. I know that the age change has helped a lot with the “only girls who can’t get married serve” idea. I am hoping that having so many of our young sisters out serving will motivate even more change, for instance Sisters are completely capable of being a district leader, yet the only sisters who get that opportunity are the ones called to Temple Square. And perhaps with all the female RMs and current female missionaries we can start seeing some female ward mission leaders.
Louisa
For the LDS population, especially in concentrated areas, this advice is so needed! It makes me sad that this advice does not transfer to BYU students and faculty. If a student or faculty members questions their faith or has doubts, then they may lose their education or job. I wish there was a way we could change policies to be more inclusive for questions and struggles, while still promoting our values!