From the time we are young girls, women are socialized to keep a calm exterior. It’s an unhealthy expectation, since we experience the full range of human emotion. In the Church and in the world, an angry man is perceived as being tough or powerful, but an angry woman earns a much less positive label. For Latter-day Saint women, meekness, niceness, and peace-keeping are valued traits. Being sad is okay, but being furious is not. In Episode 43, a guest shares her insights into the lack of space many women feel for the full expression of their emotions—even within themselves. Then Cynthia and Susan take a deeper dive on women and anger.
Notes:
Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, by Soraya Chemaly
Closing quote by Maya Angelou is from her 2006 interview with Dave Chapelle, Iconoclasts
Heather
This podcast is one I could talk about all day. I am not a quiet person or a shy person especially if I have something to say and I feel mad that I am constantly asked to change myself to make others feel ok or safe or so I don’t ruin anyone’s testimony with my comments. I was even told that, when I was music chairman, that I was choosing hymns that would drive the spirit out of the meeting! Seriously. My old bishop after a long build up of him trying to control me, yanked my temple recommend because I refused to censor my comments on social media. I explained that people are free to scroll by. They are responsible for their actions and feelings, not me. I was angry in that meeting. And I was angry he weaponized my recommend. My bishop had supposed that cancelling my recommend would surely be his ace up his sleeve. He really didn’t know what else to do to try to gain control over me, which he had never been able to do. I got up to leave immediately and slammed that office door so hard! And let me tell you, it was hard to slam because it had the quiet-close mechanism. So I yanked that door handle until it slammed good and loud and knocked a Boy Scout plaque off the wall outside during the other ward’s sacrament. I’ve never felt so much white-hot anger in my life. And I am still angry about it. I am done being told to be quiet. To be more gentle. To attract flies with honey. To be fluffy. I am done! I am free to be myself and if people can’t handle me, that is their rock to deal with and pick up- not mine.
Cynthia Winward
There’s something about the visual of slamming a door so hard that boy scout plaques fall off the wall that JUST MADE MY DAY. We might just have to read this story on a bonus episode…….thanks for being real, and for being angry! You;re my new hero!
Annie
Is there a way to get a copy of the quotes used in this podcast? Particularly the two at the end.
Cynthia Winward
Hi Annie, which two? We read so many! We have most of the quotes from this episdoe archived in our Instagram stories. If you go to our instagram profile page you should see some round buttons with our episode numbers. Hopefully it is there, if not, please email us at atlastshesaidit.org and reference which one you wanted!