Cynthia and Susan are joined by guest Hannah Hinckley for a conversation about the ways in which men and women may approach or experience the Church differently. Hannah’s personal experiences offer a vivid illustration of the ways these differences sometimes have a very real impact on the lives of women.

Episode Summary:

  • This episode is about the different ways men and women experience church.
  • Susan shares something she wrote about how she recognized, from her youth, how men and women experienced things differently in the church. She brought up how things could have been different if she had seen women on the stands and heard their blessings. How life could have been different worrying about going on a mission instead of if she was going to get married.
  • Susan’s daughter Hannah Hinckley joins the episode. Hannah is a divorced, single woman attending a family ward (doesn’t want to be an “elite single”). She is trying to reclaim space for herself in the church and with her God.
  • The title of this episode comes from a conversation Susan and Hannah had. Hannah had observed her RS president as she dealt with her kids, the lace tablecloth, etc. and heaved a giant bag to get ready to leave. Probably while her husband sat in the car waiting to go.
    • There are different types of church bags
    • Mom bag- diapers, crushed up goldfish, etc
    • RS president bag- trying to bring authority, visiting teaching assignments, rolls, everything you need in the bag
    • Primary bag—crayons, treats, lessons
    • Women basically carry around the whole church in their bags
  • As a RS president, Hannah was invited to the PEC meetings. They were quizzed on the handbook and she was the only one (including the bishop) that actually scored 100% and knew the handbook. Even though she knew the handbook, she often wasn’t listened to. She had an experience of the men telling her they wanted homemade cookies and a care package for the students in the ward, but they weren’t willing to help out or listen to her expressing concern about not being able to do what they were requiring.
  • Generally, single men in the church are having different experiences than the single women in the church. Single men are often seen as ‘grown-ups’ who are buying houses and often have more church legitimacy.
  • Women in their 20’s that get to mission age are sometimes told, “Oh the Lord must need you to serve a mission!”
  • Divorced men vs divorced women: Hannah feels divorced women are looked at with an intense amount of pity, no life experience, no input, etc. In singles’ wards, a man is almost applauded for being “back on the market.”
  • What do you know?
    Hannah: People are amazing creatures. We aren’t always wonderful but we have the capabilities to do wonderful things. And God loves everyone, even when she doesn’t.
  • Hannah’s priesthood leaders: the first bishop was very supportive. He encouraged the divorce. The next bishop told her not to dissolve the temple divorce because at least she was still entitled to the blessings that come with the sealing. She felt devalued because it meant her salvation was dependent on a person that was not very good. The next bishop told her to focus on not becoming a “man hater.” The first singles’ ward bishop was only concerned if she was single or not, but that is not why she was at church. Her relationship status should not be the most important part of her. It is really hard to feel that her access to Heavenly Father was tied to a man. Her access depends on her and Jesus. Full stop. A woman most likely wouldn’t give the same response.
  • What would help Hannah in her relationship with church? She would love to be treated as the adult that she is. She would like more focus to be on individuals coming to God. Our focus is always on families and not on the individuals.